Hi everyone,

I'm 22 years old, and was diagnosed with UC when I was 15. When I was 16, I underwent 2 surgeries to have the j-pouch after none of the medications seemed to control my UC (aside from Prednisone, which you can't take forever). I've never been in a serious relationship with anyone, as I'm still trying sort out my sexual orientation. However, I feel as though I may be gay or bi-sexual. I'm just curious as to how having a j-pouch can affect your sex life if you're in a relationship or having intercourse with someone of the same gender. Is anal sex possible? This is a really embarrassing thing for me to ask, but I'm just curious in case that day ever comes lol.
Original Post
Unfortunately, this is something it seems few doctors discuss. A shame, since this is an important question for others, even if not gay.

Anyway, I am not sure there is a strict rule, and it probably depends on a lot of factors. But, basically, yes anal intercourse is possible, but for all the reasons you can imagine, it can be risky. You don't know if you have an anal stricture, or if your pouch is quite short, or other limitations. The structure of the ileum is different than the rectum, which is much more elastic and distendable. The rectum also has thicker walls, so is more durable.

Yeah, talk to Eric. He has a k-pouch now, bot had a j-pouch for a number of years.

Jan Smiler
Hi there,
I am a 25 year old gay male. At birth, most of my intestines burst, and they were removed. I now only have 1/2 of my small bowel left - and have lived fine with no complications for my entire life. I am married in a gay relationship, and while I am not the "bottom" in the relationship, I do engage in anal sex from time to time, whether it be from a penis, fingers, or sex toys. I have had absolutely no complications or issues at all. However, I have been like this for more than 25 years - however, your surgery was a few years ago, and I'm sure your body has healed in that time frame. So a short answer to your question: yes, anal sex is possible.
Hey all,
So I'm 17 living with a j-pouch (as of a few days ago). I'm just wondering what some of your advice is on sex. Obviously, anal sex seems to be the hot topic- specifically for the mate who is on the receiving end. However, I'm more curious delivering. Have you all had any problems holding stool in during sex? If so, what's some helpful advice?
Also, how have you all broken the news about the j-pouch/ileostomy to a potential boyfriend?
Let me know.
Not that I know anything whatsoever about this but...would it be feasible to contact a sort or physiotherapist specialising in j pouches and pelvic floor dysfunction etc and see if they had some advice on this sort of thing? If anyone understands how delicate the region is it would be them and they may have some advice especially on how to prepare yourself if it is the first time post pouch creation.
Good luck guys...this cannot be easy at any level for you.
Sharon
Gay man here and I discussed this at length with my surgeons.

For full disclosure, I'm a bottom, so when I say I questioned the surgeon at length, I mean it. I even talked about options to the traditional ileo-anal surgery, talked about the option of keeping my rectum and my ileostomy indefinitely. None of those are good decisions for various reasons.

Anyway, anal sex after J-pouch is a definite no. Sorry.
I think that anyone who has a jpouch is told by their doctors NOT to have anal sex. You had surgery there and don't want to disrupt it. I had several surgeries, including a redo, and if there's the smallest possible chance of disturbing anything I would not do it. After being what I have been through, mentally it would not be enjoyable anyway. I think the question to ask if you want anal sex is are there people out there with jpouches whose doctors told them it is okay.
Hey its tough but I've always thought it best to never try. I'm so pleased to have been able to have the surgery for my J Pouch and would never want to have to give it up for an outside pouch! maybe think of that?

My issue is my laparotomy scar from the operation as it was infected when I had surgery and is really obvious 3 years later Frowner i'm very conscious of what other guys think when they see me naked.
Murray:
The main reasons I was given:
1) The small intestine is not as elastic as your colon. You risk rupturing your pouch.

2) The J-pouch is attached to what is left of your rectum, you could tear it loose or cause leakage at that site.

3) Unspecified "serious" injury

Even the thought that I might need surgery down there again is enough to keep me from even trying again. You know?

DavidJames:
I hear yeah.
Enough with all the definite "no" responses above. I know people mean well but you have no idea how disheartening and unhelpful it is to be told this from people who have no idea what the inside of someone else's j-pouch looks like. I would ask that people stop responding like this. Everyone's j-pouch is different, therefore there is no universal answer for any question relating to our pouches.

Kharma, I am a 27 year old gay man, and like you had my j-pouch created when I was 18, before I was sexually active.

Do not be embarassed about asking the question - it doesn't matter what your orientation is, and it doesn't matter if you don't know, but the only way to be more empowered is with knowledge, so you've made the right step by asking the question.

Having said that, the only person who can answer your question the most accurately is your surgeon and medical team. Only they know what the inside of your pouch looks like. They may say yes, they may so no.

In my case I returned to my surgeon a few years after my op with the question. He was helpful and unprejudiced (as all should be, but unfortunately not all will be), and gave me the answer, which in my case was yes: it would be okay but tread slowly and carefully.

I'd encourage you to speak to your surgeon and medical team. Don't feel embarrased - it's the only way to get the best answer. If the answer is yes, congratulations, and be careful, don't go crazy. If it's a no, then that's okay too. Queer culture may make you believe it's all about penetration, but it really isn't, and finding someone you love will help you with that journey.

DM with any questions.
Have you ever tried inserting anything up your anus with the J-pouch? I'm considering getting the J-Pouch procedure and my surgeon said fingering would still be okay.
 
Originally Posted by Dog:
Gay man here and I discussed this at length with my surgeons.

For full disclosure, I'm a bottom, so when I say I questioned the surgeon at length, I mean it. I even talked about options to the traditional ileo-anal surgery, talked about the option of keeping my rectum and my ileostomy indefinitely. None of those are good decisions for various reasons.

Anyway, anal sex after J-pouch is a definite no. Sorry.

 

Hi Bret. See my post above, but yes, if your surgeon has said it may be okay then he's definitely the best-informed person (after yourself) to tell you this. Take it easy, experiment somewhere safe and comfortable, with plenty lube, and see what's possible.

I created an account to speak to this issue. I'm on the other end, and am in a long-term relationship with a j-pouch recipient. Both of us being men, anal intercourse was discussed. We agreed it was simply too risky. Honestly, it isn't a big deal for me. I think you will find that if you are upfront and you really like each other, you can come up with all kinds of creative alternatives. Please don't be discouraged or embarrassed. Sure, it might be a physical limitation, but it is in no way a deal breaker.

Thanks for the input, Defiant1.

 

I am awaiting more consultation with surgeons, but I figure J Pouch is the option I'm going to settle on.

 

I'm open to a relationship after that, but would never kid myself: I won't be sexually compatible with or desirable to a large portion of eligible men and I won't get what I truly want because my heart is on the bottom. 

 

I'm about to turn 40 and have plenty of other concerns and interests. I have usually been single and am comfortable romantically unattached, if not alone. I don't see romance in my cards and I'm okay with that.

 

Thank you for sharing your story and supporting a boyfriend with this condition.

Hi, old discussion but still new to a lot of us. I've had my J-Pouch for about three years now, always believing other peoples answers about "NO ANAL SEX". But my question was finally answered from my surgeon himself. He bluntly told me that anal sex for me should be no problem. Not only did enough time for it to heal passed, but he said the pouch is a few inches long, enough to not worry about it getting destroyed. But to start slowly. I HIGHLY recommend you discuss it with your surgeons. It has taken a heavy weight off my shoulders and put my mind at ease. I'm not openly gay (yet) but i managed to have the guts (pun intended) to tell my surgeon how i felt...great decision. 

dawn58 posted:
I think that anyone who has a jpouch is told by their doctors NOT to have anal sex. You had surgery there and don't want to disrupt it. I had several surgeries, including a redo, and if there's the smallest possible chance of disturbing anything I would not do it. After being what I have been through, mentally it would not be enjoyable anyway. I think the question to ask if you want anal sex is are there people out there with jpouches whose doctors told them it is okay.

One surgeon I consulted told me it was okay to have anal sex with a J-pouch, but it wouldn't fit large penises. He said he knows patients who do it.

Another surgeon I consulted said no anal, but fingers are okay. 

All the surgeons online I've searched say "no," but plenty of patients do it anyway with various results.

alfmed posted:

Hi, old discussion but still new to a lot of us. I've had my J-Pouch for about three years now, always believing other peoples answers about "NO ANAL SEX". But my question was finally answered from my surgeon himself. He bluntly told me that anal sex for me should be no problem. Not only did enough time for it to heal passed, but he said the pouch is a few inches long, enough to not worry about it getting destroyed. But to start slowly. I HIGHLY recommend you discuss it with your surgeons. It has taken a heavy weight off my shoulders and put my mind at ease. I'm not openly gay (yet) but i managed to have the guts (pun intended) to tell my surgeon how i felt...great decision. 

Have you tried anal sex with a J-pouch yet? What is it like?

Kharma posted:
Hi everyone,

I'm 22 years old, and was diagnosed with UC when I was 15. When I was 16, I underwent 2 surgeries to have the j-pouch after none of the medications seemed to control my UC (aside from Prednisone, which you can't take forever). I've never been in a serious relationship with anyone, as I'm still trying sort out my sexual orientation. However, I feel as though I may be gay or bi-sexual. I'm just curious as to how having a j-pouch can affect your sex life if you're in a relationship or having intercourse with someone of the same gender. Is anal sex possible? This is a really embarrassing thing for me to ask, but I'm just curious in case that day ever comes lol.

Wow! I was 21, when i had my jpouch and my situation and questions were exactly the same as yours. I was too scarred to ask my surgeon about how anything sexual. But now im a very experienced happy gay guy lol, im more than happy to offer advice if you still need it, private message me if so....

Well guys, it's been a while lol.  I was able to get in touch with my surgeon via email to ask him about my concerns.  This was about 3 years ago, months after I made this thread.  He replied and told me that he doesn't advise sex with me as the anal receptive partner.  I emailed him a couple of times after to ask him if there was anything that could possibly be done surgically that would allow me to have receptive anal sex, if I should choose to in the future.  The answer was that he wasn't aware of anything of that nature.

Last November, I went for a colonoscopy (I forget what they call it for j pouch patients) with a different colo rectal surgeon.  I asked him for his opinion and he pretty much agreed with the surgeon who operated on me.  He said that it would be risky for me and depending on my partner's size, for him as well since there are staples in the area where the pouch is attached.  He said I could try it at my own risk, but I would have to be extremely cautious and go slow and use a LOT of lube and preferably with a partner who isn't too big lol.  He told me he usually is happy to tell patients that they can do it, but not in my case.

I also asked him about surgical options and he said there were none.

Still really upsetting, but I'm just trying to accept it for what it is.  It still bothers me a lot but I can guess things could be worse.  hopefully one day there will be something that can be done.  I spoke to someone online a while ago who mentioned that his surgeon said he could do something to make his anal opening larger or something, since it's typically smaller and tighter on us j pouch patients.  Not sure if that would help or is even worth it though.

Thanks for all of the replies guys, and if you have any other advice or tips on coping with this, I'm always willing to listen!

 

 

Hi Kharma

Well done on approaching the surgeon, first of all - it isn't easy to pluck up the courage and that's a huge step.

Sorry to hear what they said. It must be a bit of a blow. It was a good idea to get a second opinion, though, and it sounds like the second guy was a bit easier to talk to. How long ago was your surgery? I'm surprised to hear you still have staples. I assumed they'd have come out long ago.

If you're still keen to give it a go then as the surgeons said only you can decide and have to weigh up the risks. I'd echo what they said: be very, very gentle, use lots of lube, and start with a finger. You've had the end of a colonoscopy up there so obviously that's not going to do any damage.

If that's possible, then you're already doing great, and fingers are perfect for prostate simulation. There are all sorts of small toys out there, too. It's not all about genital penetration.

And if it's not possible, then I wish you luck, and will say what I've said before: penetration need not be what gay sex is about. Many people don't enjoy it and choose not to do it.

Good luck x

Cdub posted:

Hi Kharma

Well done on approaching the surgeon, first of all - it isn't easy to pluck up the courage and that's a huge step.

Sorry to hear what they said. It must be a bit of a blow. It was a good idea to get a second opinion, though, and it sounds like the second guy was a bit easier to talk to. How long ago was your surgery? I'm surprised to hear you still have staples. I assumed they'd have come out long ago.

If you're still keen to give it a go then as the surgeons said only you can decide and have to weigh up the risks. I'd echo what they said: be very, very gentle, use lots of lube, and start with a finger. You've had the end of a colonoscopy up there so obviously that's not going to do any damage.

If that's possible, then you're already doing great, and fingers are perfect for prostate simulation. There are all sorts of small toys out there, too. It's not all about genital penetration.

And if it's not possible, then I wish you luck, and will say what I've said before: penetration need not be what gay sex is about. Many people don't enjoy it and choose not to do it.

Good luck x

My surgeries were almost 10 years ago.  Would the staples still be there?  And thank you for your reply. 

That's really interesting, I've never thought about staples before, and no-one's ever mentioned it. I suppose I assumed they were pushed out as it healed and I passed them, but perhaps not?

If mine are still in there, no-one's ever complained...

Cdub,

I see you are talking about prostate simulation. That is something I have been wondering about as of recent. I have been wondering how to stimulate the prostate with a jpouch. I would assume it is the same place as before? And if so when we have anal sex do we still have prostate stimulation?

Bnlb posted:

Cdub,

I see you are talking about prostate simulation. That is something I have been wondering about as of recent. I have been wondering how to stimulate the prostate with a jpouch. I would assume it is the same place as before? And if so when we have anal sex do we still have prostate stimulation?

Yes, yes and yes, in an answer to your three questions. Unless you've been told otherwise, or have another condition affecting it, it is in exactly the same place and behaves exactly the same way. You can feel it with a finger (after all, that's how doctors check it for abnormalities).

I am 33 yo gay Male with history of intestinal polyps.  I was diagnosed with FAP this past summer which explained a lot as I looked back all those years I thought I had just your average stomach aches.  I had a right colectomy surgery done in Aug 2018 and after healing from the surgery I found out I have FAP which now changed everything. Fast forwarding through that last few months, I started to see a GI specialist at Roswell Cancer institute to gain more insight about my condition and my options. As of yesterday I had a colonoscopy to figure what option would be best and results pointed towards the J pouch surgery. I am a bit terrified because life as a gay Male becomes yet harder, especially when trying to date etc...  I searched the web for a blog or support group and came across this forum.  I am someone going into this, I'm hoping to gain sight from someone who can relate and has coped with this change in lifestyle. How did you all learn to except and cope with this decision at the beginning? What advice could you guys give someone like myself?

Hi Miguelito, sorry to hear about what you've been going through but glad you're getting the right help and advice. You're right, there isn't much information out there about this for us, so hopefully some of what you've read on this page has helped? There are no definite answers as everyone's different, and if you do go down the route of having a j-pouch all I can say is that it changed my life, and I wouldn't go back on it if I could. It's had some disadvantages, not least sexually, but those are outweighed by the positives. Finding someone who really gets you and respects you and your body is part of that journey.

Good luck.

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