You've been through the wringer! Sending my best virtual support hugs. I had a jpouch for 30 years and recently got an end ileo. I'm happy with it and healthiest I've been in 10 years, so just attesting that life can get much better if the jpouch just doesn't work for you. I agree with others in regard to diet being important. The Heal Your Gut Guy has a lot of free videos on youtube talking about the key steps of eliminating things that hurt your gut (hard to digest foods, bad bacteria..), then how to heal your mucosal lining/microbiome. You might find those useful. Hopefully you'll look back on this time as your lowest, and in a year be celebrating that you made it through.