Tomorrow is my surgical appointment. Although I already know what he is going to say, given the constant leakage, pain, and the recurrence of the fistula -- and although I am logically looking forward to the perm ileo at this point -- I am very nervous. Having an extremely difficult time playing this down for the fam today; I just feel like hiding and crying.
Even with all the problems, I am going to mourn the loss of my pouch; it was sooooo good to me before the fistulas began. And the thought of another major surgery just makes me want to scream.