Before I begin, I'll be discussing topics of a sexual nature, it might not be suitable for our younger readers, with that said.....I have a question for all the single people here, actually, it applies to us all directly or indirectly. When meeting someone new, do you reveal your intestinal diversion? A friends sister asked me this, as she just got her ileostomy a few months ago, and has been wanting to start dating again, but, being happily married to my hubby for 24 years, I had no answer, I think it's an important question to ask, so I put it to you. Do you think it necessary to disclose your intestinal diversions with a potential future partner? To me, its irrelevant at first, but when intimacy comes into play, I can be an issue, particularly when anal sex is part of your sexual preferences, or, if you have an ileostomy. Personally, had I'd been heterosexual, and had I not had an ileostomy, it would be a non issue as it in no way, would come into question. However, given the fact I'm gay, anal sex is an issue, and I would feel compelled to inform my date of my situation, so there's no last minute surprises.
There was a brief period, in 2008, that Freddy and I had split up, and I did try dating, but one of either 2 things would happen (I had my J pouch back then). If I told them, no matter how delicately I said it, I got dirty looks, they acted as if I had cooties, and would suddenly have plans aka I never heard from them again. OR, I didn't tell them, and intimacy came into the picture, they'd ask about my scars, I'd tell them, and they wanted nothing to do with me, it was very frustrating! Thank god Freddy and I got back together, he's been with me since my first diagnosis of UC when I was 20, throught my toxic mega colon, my colon cancer diagnosis and treatment, my temp ileostomy, my 3 step J pouch, my arthritis diagnosis and the two resulting clavicular surgeries, my K pouch and rectal removal, and now, my second ileostomy, not everyone is so lucky.
This illness and the many related surgeries, have broken up many relationships, which is just sad. If you truly love someone, how could you leave when they need you the most? It's the cowards way out, but it does let us know who truly cares about us. Had I been single now, I'm certain I'd feel it necessary to inform any potential romantic partner of my ileostomy. The way I see it, they are going to find out anyways, might as well know if it's an issue from the get go, other wise why waste your time and risk being hurt? Again, I think it's a bit more concerning for gay men. Granted, anal sex definitely isn't the end all and be all of sex, but it can be a big issue for some, and there are some women and "straight" men who enjoy anal stimulation. Many, like myself, have everything removed, including the rectum, so it can be a big issue, I'm just thankful for my hubby, it doesn't bother him in the least, granted, after 24 years of marriage (we're not counting that little hiccup), sex now consists of "turn off the lights, I can still see you!!!"
. So, I ask you, what would (or do) you do? Do you tell your dates about your health issues, or do you leave it for them to discover, hoping they can handle it? I'd like to be able to answer my friends sisters question, so please, be honest, and don't be shy, this is a serious, legitimate question that applies to us all, thanks everyone!
Cheers,
Eric
