ok, you need a man's perspective who has a j pouch and is 7 years out exactly from this operation. it has caused major issues for me as well, but the opposite of what you are experiencing. It took only 2 weeks for my zeal to have sex come back, but my operation severely impeded my former abilities for an Erection, my first orgasm was painful all over down there, but as time progressed, it is now pleasurable. I have moved leaps and bounds since then, I have had to go and testosterone weekly injections, I was low too. I am not a fan of Dhea, my uroligist talked over the options, and wow, the testosterone injections were great, but I needed more help, so I take a pill too. Whatever works, take it...I get severe headaches from it, during sex, but I don't care. Now, the mind part of it, I have ALWAYS had a large sexual appetite, and my ego was severely impacted, and that is saying it mildly. My lady was very patient, but too patient, and that caused issues with us, she lost the urge to push and ask, and if I didn't initiate, nothing happened. It almost broke us up. So, I had to get very real and vocal about what I need. Yes, the j pouch was an issue, but if you really want to stay together, being in a relationship has many levels and variables in it. I need sex for intimacy, not just to have sex. I need to feel connected, loved, and the lack of it puts me on the road towards feeling resentful. I explained this to my lady, and well, your husband may already know he is having ER issues, and on top of that if the j pouch is complicating things, you really don't feel sexy. I suggest this, don't give up, being blunt, he needs to know that if you pleasure him, it doesn't need to lead to sexual intercourse, and work it slowly on frequency from that, you will start to relearn what pushes his buttons all over again. IF he doesn't have a full erection, don't give up, let him get there, and hug him and while all of that is very TMI, guys need to know we are not going to fail during love making, we are put into a category of being all we can be, and when all of that fails, its very depressing and sad for us...he has given up for now, but you can re-introduce the whole touching process, and don't expect immediate intercourse, but also go to the urologist WITH your husband and just be blunt and upfront. Giving him reassurances also help. When he finds his groove again, you will get the credit for helping you to get there, and having a baby and a family is all a very realistic thing to look forward too. You have to also remember, all of the nerves and bloodflow to his penis was REARRANGED down there, nerves and all. So, you need to talk to him and try whatever works, do not expect him to take the lead, you can't be shy on this, or it may not work out at all. Speaking from immediate experience. Now things are on track for me but it took A LOT of time to work it that way. Good luck!!
