At work this morning (a business school in the downtown sector of Paris) and my directrice called me into her office for a second...and asked me to Not use the staff toilets (that are situated next to the assistants and administrative people)...her reason?

That I block up the toilet with "something" every time I go.

Firstly, there is nothing that comes out of my pouch that isn't liquid. 

Secondly I don't use gobs of tp....so I do not get it...

I was cool responding, fine, no problem. But it has been hurting me all day long...I rarely use their facilities, I never stop it up...so what is the deal?

Mortified.

Sharon

Original Post

What??? This does not make sense given her reason. How comfortable do you feel delving further into her explanation? Could it be scent of output because mine could make your hair stand on end. But that is neither here nor there. You are a competent, talented, impressive, making a difference in young lives kind of person. Do let her make you feel any less. Boy, having a healthy digestive system can really make someone out of touch with the rest of us! 

that deserves a scream out loud and poop left outside her door and lit aflame type reaction. how rude of the directrice. keep your chin up. don't let her win by mortifying you.

Just ask her why she would think it's you. If she isn't familiar with the intricacies of your output and is just making a guess as to who the toilet clogger is, maybe she needs to be educated. But nor have you posted what the dynamics of your relationship are or whether it really matters if you don't use a bathroom you never or rarely venture into.

Quite frankly the answer you gave likely sounded like an admission to her in all likelihood. 

Situations like these have come up in various office buildings I have worked at and the protocol for handling it is always the same, to post a sign over the toilet as to what not to put in it, rather than bar someone from using it. But if you are staff you get to use staff toilets- if you aren't you don't get to use them. Or so I would think.If on the other hand you are using some  handicap privilege to access toilets you otherwise wouldn't have access to, others may have complained.  This is all just speculation on my part because I don't know what all the facts are. I know that I have asked for and received accommodations as far as bathroom privileges when I had UC from various schools I attended. It's less of an issue since I got a J Pouch. Anyway good luck with it. I would have handled the situation differently but I don't walk in your shoes-plus I don't generally react very well in such situations when they arise. Such as the other night when my condominium neighbor parked her car in my guest parking spot. I am a speak his mind kind of guy for better or worse, but I think it can be worse in some situations.

Last edited by CTBarrister

It appears that someone higher up on the food chain needs to give the directrice more work if she is spending time monitoring who is using the bathroom and what goes on in there.  We all know that our Sharon is not the one plugging up the john and such an acquisition is totally out of order.  Perhaps someone could place a plunger in the bathroom for use by whoever is committing the offending act.

This is France and I am a Piece worker meaing I do not have tenure or a long term contract but only semester to semester (that is the conditon of 90% of all teachers here in post High School education) so I can be dropped in a minute.

I am a good teacher and the kids love me (to the extent that a student can love a teacher)...but this is rediculous...I have gone there twice and found it clogged (there are 2...that face directly into the office and the coffee corner as if they were in a house...no antichamber)...and I only work there Tues and Thrus...so either morning it cannot be me. It is just that I am always the first one there...

I don't want to turn this into a thing...so I won't use it (the semester is almost over anyway and we are moving sites) with the hope that it cloggs agian without me being present...

I am mad. If I had been tenured they could not say or do that but I have no status...or power. This just brings up all sorts of pain and bad feelings.

I shouldn't care but I do.

Sharon

im sorry Sharon. we all feel your pain, your anger. its enough that we spend any time visiting the loo to have it highlighted as an accusation is only more offensive, uncomfortable.

the irony of course is that the clogged toilet is a fear many of us have faced but to be slapped with an unwarranted accusation, a brown letter if you will is inherently inhumane and creates all kinds of ill will, poor feelings etc.

I guess given the uncomfortable lack of tenure/position and the proximity of the end of the year, perhaps the better path is to move on and away. distance yourself from the unworthy and unfeeling accusers.

keep your head high and imagine a fiery poo bag lit on the directrice's doorstep. hopefully that might bring a smile to your visage, turning that frown upside down.

 

 

 

Thanks guys, 

I agree that they may be using the clogging of the toilet as an excuse for something else that is bothering them...but I have never had a complaint about noise or odour from any employer or roommate or hubby...I have had my pouch for 36yrs...I should know by now if it is a problem...so...I will shut up and take it.

My last day is tomorrow.

Who knows if I will be taken back next year (the annual anguish of not knowing if I have classes or not for the coming year) and I will deal with whatever comes...

(but I like the flamming bag of poop idea....thanks)

Sharon

The Commencement ceremony is tomorrow night for my graduating class and I have asked hubby to join me...I do not have to courage to go alone (and it is very far away)...I finally told him what was said and how much it is hurting/bothering me...he was furious. And indignant.

My best friend who is in the employee defence business told me that I should meet with her face to face (in front of a witness), have it out, explain that biologically she is accusing the wrong person and then ask for a public excuse and explanation.

She says that it was defamatory, that I was accused and sanctionned without the possibility to defend myself and that it is highly ileagle to 'forbid' someone from using the washroom!

I just want to write a letter telling her she has accused a handicapped person of the one thing that is physically impossible. Attach a letter from my surgeon saying why.

I hate that this hurts 

Sharon

absolutely outrageous situation.  you are on the high road, which usually isn't crowded, so have faith in yourself.  if it were i, which is different than you, i would approach her and request that we re-visit our conversation.  in no way make it personal and push the problem off onto some other situation, such as the plumbing being poor because it is an old building (perhaps that is the situation.)   i would explain that i think there are some misunderstandings, that i have appreciated using the staff toilet because of my handicap, that i would be willing to have a plumber come in to correct the problem, or something on that order.  remember to deflect it away from her and nothing personal, other than mentioning that you have a gi handicap (i usually keep it simple and say that i have the gi system from hell.)

then again it is the end of the year, but i'm assuming your contract will be renewed.  would be better to get it settled now, if for no better reason that you don't fume over it for the summer.  good luck!!  janet

As I mentioned earlier in the thread I would have handled it in the manner suggested by your best friend, although I think asking for a public apology is a bit much and unnecessary..............however I think it should have been settled in that manner immediately.  From what you said your original post, it sounds like you made statements to her consistent with an admission of the alleged conduct.  One of the first things I learned in first year of law school contracts class is that silence or words other than a denial are often deemed to be an acceptance or an admission of a statement when the circumstances are such that one would be expected to offer a denial.......anyway you are not in court on this one, so it really only matters in her mind.  It's likely that you are not a confrontational person and I have many clients who assiduously avoid conflict and confrontation, and come to me because they couldn't communicate, directly and in person, something that in their minds would have created a confrontation.  But then I get hired to do it for them.  Virtually all of the business litigation matters I have right now resulted when direct communication of this nature didn't happen when it should have.  I understand that a lot of clients do not want to behave in a manner that is viewed as litigious, but at the same time, many situations in our lives (including most importantly for us on this board, medical situations and interactions with doctors), require a person to be his or her own best advocate.  I have had countless conversations with personal injury clients who articulate symptoms and issues that are nowhere discussed in their medical records, and when I ask them about that, they don't really have a good answer on why that is the case.  Stand up for yourself, and speak your mind, and these situations can be defused quickly.  Anyway I know the relationship and job status complicate matters somewhat, so I hope you understand that I say all of the above just to give you background on my own feelings about dealing with similar disputes, although they are usually over money and property and not bathroom use.

Last edited by CTBarrister

I understand perfectly...I stated flat out that 'it was biologically impossible to be responsible for what she was accusing me of' and that my handicap precluded it...She shushed me and told me that I was forbidden access to the staff washroom from then on...no discussion possilbe (she is a steamroller)...

Tomorrow is the graduation ceremony...I am going to honor my students and hubby is joinning me for the very 1st time (yeah for hubby!)....not for the staff.

If I feel up to it (and if I can hold hubby's hand while doing it) I will confront her.

If not, I will hug 60 graduating kids that I love and move on.

Sharon (the woose)

Sharon

I am curious though. If you are forbidden to use the staff toilet, which toilet are you to use? Assuming you were clogging the toilet, why would clogging a different toilet be better? Or were you forbidden from any campus plumbing?

Jan 

Last edited by Jan Dollar

use gallon sized zip-lock bags?  and, of course, take them home with you for disposal......

sharon  what happened at the graduation event?  did you speak with her?  how are you doing?  best wishes, janet

Hi guys,

Well I did go to graduation and hubby came with me. (I sort of clung to his hand and hid behind him til I saw all the kids...then l let go). She was there but she came and went and didn't come near me...(who was afraid of who)

The kid were great and the director of the school congratulated me on my good work. 

Hubby wanted me to say something but it was inappropriate to the circumstances so I smiled and ate. I  will talk to him at the teacher's confrence in June. 

No, she did not suggest alternate toilets nor solutions. I  want my tenure right now and will fight for it but if she causes me problems I will take it to the prud'homme which is a french board of review for this sort of thing. My handicapped status makes this a "case of jurisprudence " and thus I will push it!

If I get tenure then I will swallow it and bide my time.

I had the occlusion 2 days later and suddenly I had other things to worry about...am on vacation now in an all inclusive and am living off of full fluids...can't risk another occlusion while out if the country...at least they have great yohurt here!

Sharon 

 

 

So far so good.  I have 2 hours of aqua gym  in ice water every morning  followed by rest, soup and tea for lunch, a nap and then 2 hrs of physiotherapy in hot water  and massage (torture)...today I walked a mile with no limp and no cane.

I have 10 days of this...my gift to myself (and hubby) . I need to get past the flare and get mobility back in my hips. 

My pouch is doing fine but the occlusion site is iffy. It aches. I massage it while in the jacuzzi and try to unknot the area but it is stiff and sore.  If I eat solids it feels like an hour glass... (sort of like a lapband in the wrong place.  

I know that I cannot break up the adhesions myself butthe massaging does help.

For now this vacation feels like hard work but it is worth it.

Too bad I can't  eat the food...it looks amazing! 

Sharon 

 

 

 

 

I tried eating solids at lunch (chicken and rice) plus lots of fluids and a creamy dessert. .. didn't make it 10 minutes before it felt like a fist had grabbed my gut and was squeezing tightly. Been burping non-stop since then. 

No blockage but a serious slow-down. 

Hubby has been checking out my post bathroom visits...comes out syaing, "nope, no toilet paper clogs today"...he is being cute. Plans to give me an official  certificate from a knighted architect stating that I do not and cannot clog toilets.

Got a love the guy.

Sharon 

Glad you are on "working" vacation.  Yep - eating anything solid - oh the joy of the clog and yep - I do the massaging too - and it does help me (sometimes).  Glad you are walking and working on your hips. I need to try harder to walk more.  You inspire me!!!

Just when I thought that I was doing everything right I overdid it and am mildly (!) Flaring. 

Got woken up at 4 am in pain on the right side, all joints but especially the elbow and forearm. 

Opted for Tylenol instead of tramadol because of the occlusions...don't want to risk slow downs. 

I also ate a brownie last night... wondering if it might be a contributing factor? I'd pretty much been off of the carbs since I arrived. 

It's a game of roulette... you just never know what is going to set it off.

Did much less today...ate less too. People stare at my plate at the buffet...I look like an idiot. Soup, a couple of onces of fish and a mashed veggie or yogurt...I scape the cream off of the cake, give hubby the cake and eat the cream...we make a fine pair. 

The staff keep asking if I dislike the food

For now more Tylenol and bed.

I hate having to be careful about everything, how I walk, how and what I eat, drink, sleep....not overdo anything...underdo it all.

Like someone stole my freedom of movement and choice. I hate living in constant fear, especially on vacation. 

Sharon 

 

 

Yes - it's roulette - well put.  I think my vacation expectations are so low now - if I do go - I know there will be days when I'll have to just sit it out...it's so frustrating and it's not how I want it to be- but it is how it is.  Damn the brownie if that was it - who knows?  That's the thing - there are times I do know what set it off - but that is about 10 percent of the time - the rest is - who knows?  Rest up and hopefully you'll have a better day today or tomorrow on your vacation. 

Thanks Angie 

Yesterday tuned into a nightmare with a blockage threatening to turn into a full blown occlusion. Joint pain all down the right side, nausea, burping like a sailor and moaning in bed. Chills and fever under the quilt. I am on bloody vacation in a Mediterranean seaside resort and locked in my room running to the bathroom and crying. I work so hard all year awaiting this week, plan it for 6 months and now I am vomiting my liquid diet! Darn, Damn, Drats!

I slept with an ice pack on my ankle that exoded in the middle of the night, I thought that my pouch leaked! 

This morning I am sipping fluids. 

Hubby says bed rest and heat. 

To day the sun is out so I will try to enjoy it...no more brownies...soup.

It is better to be sick on vacation then not be on vacation at all.

Sharon 

 

What a bummer Sharon, and still manage to keep in touch and be in good spirits. Amazing!

on train to nyc for doc appointment. Purpose is to get in that hospital  system for annual check ups and case of emergency. Easier and more fun than Cleveland. Have long list of questions for stoma nurse. Then two operas, run around nyc, friend's play opening, visit with friends and I'll be exhausted.  

Hope your vacation is relaxing. Peace, janet

Sounds amazingly wonderful.

I love the idea of becoming 'afiliated' with a hospital, you get all of the advantages of a large institution and Broadway all in one!

Nice work.

I ate light today and did little...just enough not to hurt anything else...doubled up un the nsaids and Tylenol...thank goodness for soups...a different one at ever meal. 

I'm laughing because I am at an all-inclusive and I cannot eat, drink, take the free Zuma or yoga classes, go on excursions or for a wslk! But floating in hot, bubbly water makes up for all of the rest.

Home in 2...

Sharon 

 

 

Sharon - your attitude never ceases to inspire me.  So sorry you had to feel bad during some of the vacation - hope it did not ruin all of it.  Love the great use you are making of all the "inclusives" - ha!  Hope the last 2 days go better - you are such a wonderful woman.

Ok, so I am home now...went back to work 12hrs after I got here (grrrrrrrr).

Rainning, cold, stormy...no way to tell if this self-imposed treatment did any good with this weather...I do know that I have had 2 of the worst days in terms of public transportation and running around in years...brutal!

I hurt. I had been hoping to come home pain-free and that did not happen so I am dissapointed but at least I was able to do the running around without a cane so that is a plus.

I threw myself into sugar, carbs and junk upon arrival (argh! old habits die hard) so my inflamation is not happy...didn't sleep last night because of it.

You can run away (and hide) but your disease will always find you. Not fair. I am pissed right now because so many things hurt. Ice packs on ankles...did not get rid of the tendonitis (that was my goal) and have so much sacroiliac pain that I have added the Nsaids to the Tylenol and doubled up on all dosages (I was hoping to get off of at least one of them)...

My pouch/gut is allowing me back into the world of solids (with some complaint)...that is a good thing but that darn occlusion site is still painful and dangerous...I will obviously have to have something done about it...the semester is almost over and I will spend the next 6 weeks having tests, appointments, treatments and minor surgery (some just for comfort sake...cyst removal etc)...what are the odds that I can go back to my 'vacation diet' and give up solid food again?

Sharon

ps. the only one who loves this weather is my gardenia...I envy her...she is blooming, I am not!

Hi Sharon, 

Hope all is going great as can be on your vacation..you totally deserve the best of times ... As for the school restroom situation, you are on solid legal ground...especially if you had nothing to do with the rest room probs she ascribed to you..horrible...imo, it seems to be a lame attempt at using an excuse to essentially discriminate against your condition...Yoiu must be an awesome teacher, so perhaps this summer will give you a chance to perhaps find a better place for your career or job..maybe stay in the same system to keep your time towards tenure...or perhaps you may get a chance to speak with a 'higher up ' administrator about the situation...hope all gets straightened out...again, have a great time on vacation...will always remember the advise and help you offered for my own situation...Take care...   Sincerely, R

I know if we all pushed hard, we could get restroom situation "accommodations" - but it takes so much effort - and the power that be don't want to deal with anyone with any health condition - they want us to show up at work like robots and teach.  Been there Sharon - they really just don't care.  Sad.  But, bring in a rich kid with a "disorder" and schools will go over the moon to meet that need.  Teachers - they don't care.  Pisses me off.

Thanks Josh,

I hope that life and your health are being kind to you and that you are doing really well.

For now I am on summer vacation (still correcting exams) and will not be physically back there (if at all) before Sept.

My final position is if they give me tenure I shut up...if not I send the letter that my lawyer has cleaned up to the director, my directress who is the one who started this and the Prudhomme council for discrimination against my handicap.

I do not want to and I hate getting involved in legal matters but I they dismiss me (do no renew my contract which is their right) then I will kick up a fuss.

For now, I have the students on my side...at least I have that.

Sharon

 

A footnote to the original rant....She got fired!

The person who refused me access to the staff toilets just sent out an email stating that she will no longer be with us next year...No, I had nothing to do with it. No, I do not know what it means for me professionally since I do not know her replacement but she is now officially gone!

Didn't even have to send that darn letter!

Sharon

Hmmm! My guess is that she was as big of a pain in the butt to others as she was to you, and that does not bode well for long term employment.

Jan

molto bene. unfortunately it is rare to see Karma delivered but how sweet it is when one does bear witness to it.

You are so right.

Explains a lot though...chicken or egg? Was she nasty to me because she knew that she was leaving? or was she just nasty to everyone and that is why she is leaving? Either way...thank you to the Gods of the little things...

Sometimes it just feels good to be vindicated!

Sharon

Dewey and Sharon - yes - nice to SEE the karma happen.  So often, we don't see it in this lifetime - but it's ssswwwweeett when we do.  Sharon - so proud of you and your tenacity and Dewey - always a kind comment.  Really appreciate my pouch board friends - it's actually made my life better to have you all "out there." Thanks

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