shooting, hostage taking, explosions...

Sharon, as soon as the news report hit the air, I thought of you (as you are the only person I know in Paris). My thoughts and prayers have been with you and all Parisians this week.

Your concerns regarding Helplessness in an uncontrollable situation are valid, however it could easily be something like trapped in a snowstorm as it would be in a hostage situation. I am certain that a few people resorted to soiling themselves. Not sure how a k-pouch works.... if you must use a catheter or if it will eventually be expelled naturally if left alone.

I'm not even sure if I soiled myself during my recent accident, but I don't think so, since my friend has the clothes they had to cut off of me and she didn't say anything.

By the way, I am still in SNF and hope to go home on the 15th... still in a lot of pain and hate feeling helpless. Now taking Antivan for anxiety since the nurses have been really slow in removing me from my cpm box (leg torture device for therapy) that I start to panic that they are never going to come get me out of it.

May the rest of your New Year be peaceful and uneventful.

Les,
I am so sorry that it is taking so long for you...This must be excruciating...you are not a 'sit down and wait' sort of person...so I can understand the anxiety of having to wait for someone to come liberate you, take you here or there or put you back to bed.
You are one couragous lady!
Yes, it is unwarented anxiety that I am feeling because the k pouch cannot 'soil itself' or empty out on its own without the help of a catheter.
Once, many years ago while travelling they rerouted my flight to a very underdeveloped Easter Block country. We were cordoned off and 'watched over' by some very unfashionable ladies with red hair,1960's make-up and machine guns. When hours later, my pouch couldn't take it any more, I begged for a bathroom and was taken to a cinderbloc basement with something that could only be described as animal troughs and no running water that you would dare to touch. The soldiers had machine guns (not pointed at us but hanging there intimidating everyone none the less) (that may be why I didn't dare give those poor ladies fashion advice!)...
By the time that Air France sent a plane for us, nearly 24hrs had gone by and my pouch was sealed shut...It took ages to finally get the tube in and it bled like crazy from all of the forcing.
That incident left me a bit traumatised and shell shocked...so now any risk of not being able to intubate scares the wits out of me (not that I am not witless enough as it is).
Yes, there are snow storms and traffic jams but I do my best to avoid those too!
Take good care of yourself
Sharon

My god honey, the worlds gone insane! I thought of you the second I saw it on the news, please sweetheart, stay safe, if anything happened to you I don't know what I'd do! I can only imagine the hell that people in your city are going through, but know that the entire world is behind all of you, especially this one, really strange guy from Toronto! keep us posted if you can, I've already told God he has to keep you safe, so no worries! Love ya xo

Thanks Eric,
The world needs to calm down a bit and stop all of this stupidity...
Don't know if we can get Pandora back in the box...
The city is terrified, in an uproar and shaken to the core. Certain communities are in mourning...most are feeling so terribly insecure...where next? What next?
Most are praying that it is over but I doubt it. We are on high alert. Transportation, public spaces, stores and religious institutions.
There is a March for peace (???!) today and they are expecting over a million people. What are the odds that I could actually go and not end up having a panic attack? Doubtful.
They are mixing populations, political parties and religious opinions...a recipe for disaster...I am hiding on my sofa.
I will say it loud and clear...I am Charlie.
Sharon

When I heard about Paris attacks, I prayed you and your family were ok. I'm so glad to see your post. Take care Sharon! Maybe wearing my catheter isn't such a bad thing....Hugs!

Wow. I am so so sorry.

I also thought of you the first I heard of the terror! You are loved. I'm grateful that you and your family are safe. It's sad is to think about all the family and friends of those that perished. The peaceful outpouring of those that could march demonstrated what sane people do.

I've thought about what people that have pouches, colons or bladder problems, IBD, IBS - all bodily waste problems would do in natural or man made disasters more than I should have. When I was young, and didn't have any bathroom problems, I wondered why all the people in TV shows and Movies never went to the bathroom. I still think that it is strange that using the facilities for the intended purpose is rare. Actors go to the restrooms to kill people, crawl out small windows to get away from the bad guys, use it instead of the bedroom - like sleeping in the tub, and so on. I'm weird like this.

The terror going on in the world is insane. I'm sorry you are going to be living in more fear. I hope there is a special hell for animals like this. A long time ago my generation went through drills in case nuclear attack, hiding under our desks, in hallways with books over our heads. We were trained to look for bomb shelter signs in case we needed to get to one fast. Now terrorists can scare us with small attacks like this. We don't have terrorists shelters....

I hope that you are feeling better and that the surgery has your k-pouch performing as planned.

The grocery store where they killed 4 innocent people plus held hostages is between my place and the kid's place...you need to drive by it to get there. We took the G-kids out for lunch today and they wanted to drive by and look. There are thousands of bouquets, candles and 'gifts' as well as posters of thanks to the brave police who rescued those who they could. I am grateful for the police.
The little one (9) asked if the people were killed because of their religion...and if we were next?
How do you answer?
Yes, I am scared but am not running away (yet). I hope for the best but plan for the worst.
Will leave one day but not tomorrow.
Yes, anyone with a handicap is terrified of this...no idea how I would react...it is sort of like when I was stuck in an elevator for 3 hrs x a million. Incapable, incompetent, a victim waiting to happen...I hate terror (ists)
I miss inocence.
Sharon

I admire your resilience Sharon.

Sharon, I thought of you when this happened. I am so sorry for anyone having to go through this - I'm a New Yorker, and it's brutal - but I know any of us with modified digestive systems thinks about this. I know this maybe sounds oversimplified but try not to think about the future, the "what ifs." You probably have your supplies on you all of the time, just as anyone with special conditions does and, at that point, you do what you have to do. You make it work. The diabetic will be trying to make sure he gets his insulin, the person with bipolar will be making sure she's taking her meds. In other words, we'll all be in the same boat and we'll all be making it work. Just don't wait so long this time - you must empty when you have to! No waiting like last time. Hugs to you, Sharon, you don't deserve this. xoxo

You are absolutely right.
Thinking about it makes it worse and causes sleeplessness and stress. Hubby is no longer sleeping...terrified for the kids and G-kids and their future. What can we do? Do we stay or go and go where? Under what conditions?
Scary to feel like you are being chased out of 'your' country. Scary to think about everything that is happening.
We have avoided traveling to certain countries because of me and my pouch. Some that do not have sufficient medical care for those 'just in case' emergencies, others where even if they do, they do not speak either English or French (he had an accident in Spain and the horrors of trying to communicate in a tiny Spanish ER were terrifying, so imagine me and my pouch!).
I always felt safe here...not so anymore. Car accidents terrify me, so do things like getting stuck in an elevator...but I never thought about hostage takings or shootings!
Life goes on and we have to move foreward...
How are you doing? How are you feeling?
Sharon

Sharon, I'm so glad that my post came off ok. I was really hoping I didn't sound smug or dismissive - that would NEVER be my intention. I think about this stuff all the time, too, but especially after a crisis. I'm really trying to live more in the present. It's a journey in progress, but it really helped me while in the hospital for my perm Ileo surgery last week. It helped me through the pain and all. Now I'm home, in some pain and lots of fatigue, but week two post op and hoping I turn the corner any day now.

Hang in there and remember doughnuts (the inflatable kind) and ice are your best friends right now! Take it easy, no playing it the 'strong silent 'type...take pain meds when needed and don't forget to baby yourself.
And no, you could never come off smug!
Sharon

One of the presenters at a Women's conference taught me something that has saved me a lot of worry as much as I use to about my children, grandchildren and other relatives. If there is nothing that I can do to control an outcome then it is going to be what it is. Worry doesn't help in that kind of situation. I quit worrying about what my kids were up to at the University. I needed to remember that we had parented them to know how to act and be responsible young adults.

This doesn't mean that your husband should quit worrying about you and the children and grands. If there is something that will help, like moving somewhere else, then he will advise them.

How the hell are we to know what to do in situations like this? That's where the terror comes in. They strike in schools, grocery stores, subways, skyscrapers, federal buildings, airplanes and etc. We can't stop going to everywhere that a terrorist might attack us. It's even happened at the finish line of a running marathon.

I gave myself permission to quit worrying about my children so much. They were grown. They knew how to conduct themselves. So when I worry I try to stop myself and remember what that lady said. It's hard to change the way we think. My dad use to say if there was nothing to worry about I would invent something. I've come along way.

Kind of like the '2 most useless emotions, guilt and worry' which was from Dr Wayne Dwyer's book, your eroneous zone...I read it after a rather frightening incident when I was a teen and it worked quite well. Guilt is too late, you already did it and worrying about things that haven't happened yet is useless.
I can't get the 'Jewish mother guilt' completely out of me but at least I try not to let it run my life (on both ends...feeling guilty about what I do/don't do and what someone else might do/not do...). Funny how my own mom never suffered from it!
I've never been to an AA meeting but I sort of feel that it is the same mantra...please God help me to change those things that I can, leave be those that I cannot and the wisedom to know the difference...(paraphrasing here).
Doesn't stop me from freaking out in the train when some idiot wearing combat gear enters with a cigarette in his mouth and puts out both arms to block the exit. I had a 2 sec. heart attack. Then realized he was just dumb.
Terror is never knowing...and that is what they want.
Keep well and safe and avoid the snow storms everyone.
Sharon

It's really funny as to what is a source of terror for some of us. I recall back in March of 1998 (I think) I was on the very top floor observation deck of one of the World Trade Centers in New York City (can't recall if it was south tower or north). It was a very windy day. Needless to say I never in a million years thought about the possibility of a jet barreling into the Tower which if it had, on that day, would needless to say have killed me.

However there was a terrifying experience that day. One of the most terrifying experiences of my life, so much so that I almost feel faint thinking about it.

As I stood on the observation deck on top of the World Trade Center, I looked at the other World Trade Center building. On it I saw a small scaffolding dangling from the roof, and a man on the scaffolding attempting to wash windows on approximately the 106th floor. As I watched him, I observed his scaffolding swaying in the wind. As I watched this poor man soldier on in his window washing duties, for which he was probably being paid $6 an hour, struggling to do his job as his scaffolding swayed in the wind, my knees began to feel weak and I began to feel faint. I can feel that same feeling coming back just thinking about this memory.

I concluded at that time, and I still believe, that that poor man probably had the very worst job in the world. I have often wondered if he was washing a window somewhere on September 11, 2001, or if somebody else was. There were a lot of windows that had to be kept clean on those buildings, and somebody had to do the job. To me, that is the greatest terror, but of course it's a known terror. I don't really worry much about the unknown.

I agree. Worrying about what is out of your sphere of influence is a waste of energy. I feel the same regarding worrying about potentential future complications (of my diseases, my medications, my family history, ect.). I would rather wait until I am faced with an obstacle, then deal with it.

Sharon, I'm glad you are doing OK.

Jan