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8 replies

Same Sex Pain Months After Surgery

kblgalkblgalMember
Hi guys,

I've read the posts on sex but still feel like I haven't been able to figure my stuff out.

I had my first surgery 7 months ago and takedown surgery 5 months ago. I'm only 28 years old. So it's been 5-7 months and sex is still just as painful and it's still just as tight down there without improvement. I thought that it was just swelling at first making me so tight but it's been so long that I'm wondering if that's the issue or if it's scar tissue or something.

I got Estrace Cream after reading the forums but I noticed that while it makes me LOOSER and able to have sex, I CAN'T FEEL PLEASURE FROM SEX. Almost like the cream numbs me in my vagina. Has anyone else found the cream to have this side effect?

So it seems like I can either not take the cream and be unable to have sex or take the cream and not feel anything during sex. It sucks, honestly. I have had a steady boyfriend during this whole process so this issue is causing us both impatience. Just "not having sex" for a year isn't really realistic in a relationship. And I still have the sexual DESIRE, the act just really, REALLY hurts and is pretty impossible without the cream.

So how long does it actually take for your vagina to be "normal" looseness and pain-free for sex again? I haven't been able to actually find a length of time. Will it EVER go back to being more loose and "normal" or will I ALWAYS be this tight and in pain during sex?

I already had sex pain BEFORE the jpouch because I have a slightly tilted uterus. I can't orgasm so sex is really the only thing that provides me "relief". (So saying that I can find relief with other sexual acts isn't relevant for me, unfortunately.) So now things are even worse. My obgyn and doctors don't seem to know how to solve any of it and act like I just have to live with this forever because my anatomy has changed.

Please help, I'm desperate - thanks. I just want to know if this will get better with even more time or if this is my new normal and I'll just never enjoy sex again.

KB
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Jan DollarJan DollarModerator, RN, retired
Things can change for a year or more after surgery, but I don't think that means abstaining that long. Probably more of an issue of "practice makes perfect," if you get my meaning. I never really had that issue, since my surgery was post childbearing, so nothing is "tight" down there (sigh).

Since you have already seen your GYN and other docs without any help, I must assume that anatomically, things are normal. What is different is how you "feel," I would think. Are you taking things very slowly, with lots of foreplay? Makes a biiiiig difference! Plus, different positions will put pressure in different ways. My uterus has always been tilted, and never was a cause for pain. Rather than using a cream that numbs, how about plain old K-Y lube, or our favorite, K-Y Warming Jelly. Since it heightens the experience, maybe it would make things worse, I don't know. But, might be worth exploring.

Good luck. A satisfying sex life is just as important as anything else.

Jan Smiler
L liz11Member
get a referral to a pelvic floor physical therapist. You are probably having very intense serious internal pelvic floor muscle spasming from your surgeries. (like levatator spasms and obdutator muscle spasms). These give the exact symptoms you are describing.

Your gyn doc should be able to refer you. If not, hunt out a new gyne. Your gyne should've been able to figure out what was wrong if she did a thorough pelvic exam. basically it would've probably hurt you a lot and she would've found these internal muscles spasming and inflammed.

Other problem could be that pelvic floor PT is kind of new, so possibly your gyne didn't think of this. If you need a name, PM me, one of the top in the country is in my area (who I am seeing for the same problems you describe!) and I'm sure I can get her to give me a name of a local pelvic floor PT for you.
kblgalkblgalMember
Actually, I haven't yet had an Ob-gyn look in there yet so I'm not sure that there's not an anatomical issue - it was a conversation with my ob without an examination. She said she's had people with j-pouches but that my anatomy was forever changed. She was the one who recommended dilators to me but I wanted to get other opinions from the forum before going that route. I unfortunately do not have health insurance at the moment because I lost my job and I'm looking for another one - hence, I can't have an exam done yet.

However, I can say that when the free clinic doctor was examining the inside of my vagina for an infection recently, her going up there DID HURT like a bitch. It was never comfortable so I didn't think much of it at the time, but I wonder if that's a sign of pelvic floor muscle spasms?

Anyone else had this kind of pain too after surgery?
TE MarieTE MarieMember
I started using Estrace last year as I've had a hysterectomy, I'm post menopausal and I needed the Estrogen hormones as my vagina had been getting too dry. I'm wondering why they gave you that prescription as you are so young and shouldn't need hormones. I think Jan might have the right idea about the K-Y or other lubricants. Pelvic Floor therapy is an excellent idea too and I should look into that as well. I'm still having problems as I have chronic pain in my abdomen and when everything hurts in the general area it causes more pain to have intercourse.

I feel bad for all of you younger ladies as I've had my children and luckily my husband is even older than I am so it's not as big a problem as it could be if we were your ages. No one told us these surgeries might destroy or make the intimate side of our lives so difficult Confused
skn69skn69Member
I understand the pain, pressure and spasms and honestly believe that those muscles need help and the zone needs lubrication.
I went through the whole process including the severe tightness (felt like a virgin every single time!) and the horrible soreness afterwards like someone had cut me up inside...
My Obs-gyn at the time suggested not dating men who measured more than 8inches...! How was I supposed to find out? Ask them all to belly-up to the bar and let it all hang out? Walk around with a measuring tape?
Those were rather sadly comic years...any guy who bragged about size was automatically off of my list!
I found that those pelvic floor exercises (kiegels) helped me a lot, so did yoga, breathing exercises, pilates etc...anything that got my body moving in a gentle way and my muscles out of atrophy.
I only discovered the idea of lube years later...and wondered why I hadn't thought of it before...it works wonders...but not all lube is created equally...you need something very slippery that will make it easier on your poor body...yes, things have maybe shifted slightly in-there and are still a bit swollen but this should not be a permanent problem...there are other ways to dialate without suffering...make it a sex-game with your partner using 'sex-store-bought' toys and work your way up until your body feels stretched and comfortable. Learn that you do not have to 'go all the way' and that you are allow to stop at any time...make it a game (like the sex therapists teach us) that the rules say that you 'cannot go all the way' and learn to play around that...if you know that sex will not end in penatration then you will be much less stressed out and maybe be able to relax into it. Deep breathing and a good glass of wine or muscle relaxant could help you out here too (please do not mix the 2 together!).
And try to make it fun...if you are too serious about this you will always tense up.
Sharon

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