Skip to main content

In a day and age when the events in Tiananmen Square arrive to my inbox in less than 14 nanoseconds and the accompanying pictures make it home in less time than it used to take to turn on my Polaroid I am forced to admit that I do not quite understand the events that took place this morning.
While doing a Google search for my company and the information available to prospective clients over the net I came across a rather startling piece of information.
Apparently, I am deceased.
Like my mother before me (August of this year, in fact) the news of my demise arrive well after the actual event.
In point of fact I kicked the bucket in October of this year, well over 2 weeks ago, and no one had the courtesy to inform me at the time.
The event took place in a State that I had never been to, in a town whose name I have never heard of in a hospital that I had no previous knowledge of (but the staff was so terribly kind).
I was succeeded by a devoted spouse of 33 years who loved me dearly (who I have unfortunately never had the opportunity to meet) and grieves inconsolably, 4 darling children (who I have no memory of having ever given birth to but have somehow managed to inherit both my charm and my eyes) who are collectively and individually heartbroken, 8 incredibly delightful and endearing grandchildren who I have no recollection of having ever met but suffer in muted silence at the loss of the munificent grandmother that I was.
The article does not mention my cause of death nor does it hint at lingering diseases, untimely accidents or unfortunate yet uncontrollable events so I do not know what took my blessed soul from me so suddenly but it does state that my coffin was white, the roses were, well, rose and the ceremony was both sad and uplifting and attended by a rousing crowd of friends, family and business associates…all duly bereft and bewildered (not more than I!).
At the time of my death I was as yet, in the prime of my life and ready to embrace my retirement years wholeheartedly.
The music that I had chosen was Bach, the priest youngish but more than competent and the sermon verbose (kind of like me).
Now, I seem to find myself in a conundrum. Being that I am no longer of this earth and have been thus so for over a fortnight I do not quite know how to act.
Should I lie down and allow history to catch up with me or should I remain standing and feint surprise?
What is the proper decorum for a previously deceased person who has just recently received the information of their demise? Is there an Emily Post on Death, Dying and you are Done?
All of this emotion seems to have winded me some so I think that I will just lay my head down for a moment and take a nap (should I be crossing my arms over my chest?)
In the case that I do not wake from this short snooze please be advised that it is pointless to cry for you apparently already have.
I do not wish to be buried in a white lacquered, ebony coffin (with bronze handles…) for I already have been and to be quite honest, it was a bit much.
I would prefer white roses to pink and please, for the love of God, no lilies, the smell makes my head turn.
A Rabbi would be most appropriate being that I have already had a priest and one Catholic Funeral ceremony is about all that I can take for now.
As for the music, I agree with my previous incarnation that Bach is still most appropriate but if you care to add a little Jean-Jacque Goldman (Rod Stuart is good too) to the mix, I would not be miffed.
And if I should wake from this long night (or short nap) of sleep, what then?
I’ll just have to let you know.
'The Late' Sharon
Original Post

I normally wouldn't see this posting as it is hunting season and I'd be out in the woods living in my tent freezing my butt off! (The only reason I'm home for a couple of days is to visit my 94 year old mother in hospital in another city where she recently had surgery).

In any event reading your posting immediately brought to mind a quote (I believe) from Samual Clemmons better known as Mark Twain. The substance of it was - "the reports of my death have been greatly exagerated".

I trust those of yours have been as well and you'll keep us smiling in good humour for a long time to come!


Mom's still hanging on - she's a tough old bird! (One of the dwindling number of overseas vets from the Second World War). Unfortunately this one is a fight she's going to win at 94 years old).

I can appreciate the freakiness of the experience of seeing your death notice and tombstone.

One month prior to my step 1 colitis surgery in 2007 I got pneumonia and in my weakened condition the only way they could save me was to put me under for 5 days and feed me the meds to pull me through. When I woke up 5 days later I was on morphine. It caused me to hallucinate for 2 days. It was a terrifying experience! I'll relate a couple of pieces of it - in one scene I was observing my father's funeral from a distance at the cemetery. I could see my brothers and all the family gathered around the grave in another I was on my way to my own funeral. It was all so surreal! (Fortunately I woke up before arriving at mine). So I can well imagine the weird feelings you experienced!

Well it's back to the bush tomorrow so I can restock my freezer with venison!

Thank you so much Sally,
Yes, I write...but not professionally...I teach. But I have written a book that I am too scared to send to a publisher...I need a hand holder for that...ditto for the BlogI started one but need encouragement to make it publicly known.
ps...hubby says that I fall asleep and wake up smiling. That is what keeps me going.
No photo but the tombstone thing is really freaky since my full name (first, middle, last) is not common at all...according to S.S. there is someone out there pretending to be me, born the same day, same city, same full name, same time etc (same birth certificate?)...just not the same hospital or S.S. number. Wondering about identity theft. For now, I live here so it isn't too much of a problem but it will be if I ever move home.
Sally, Thank you...he is a pearl...I just had to cut through the shell and deal with all of the gooey, smelly stuff before I reached it!


Thanks for the story. I guess it does wake you up in the morning when the first news headline you read is that of your own dead. But, on the other hand, you are one of the few people around that have had the chance to experience that

I guess it would be quite a shock to friends and relatives who stumble upon the news and who would not know that you are still around.


Add Reply

Copyright © 2019 The J-Pouch Group. All rights reserved.
Link copied to your clipboard.