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Can't stand my life anymore and ready to give up. My husband died two weeks ago, leaving me with a multitude of things to deal with. Won't even get into that because every time I think about them I become terrified.

Woke up multiple times last night with horrendous stomach cramps, which I've had for awhile, but last night was absolutely the worst. Foamy stool and stomach still hurting. I'm not sure if I've ever had pouchitis before, but my surgeon is great and told me to take cipro, which I had in the house. Took one this morning. The smell of my output is horrendous, so being the worry wart that I am, I'm thinking maybe it's c diff and maybe I'm taking the cipro without reason.

Can't make any decisions since my head is not in the right place and I can't take much more at this point. Just want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head, but I can't even do that, because I have a contractor in my house doing work that I didn't want to do, but my husband did, and now I'm stuck with the mess. I could go on and on, but I won't. I don't even feel better ranting and raving.

H E L P!!!!
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I am so sorry Mema,
My most sincere condolences.
This must be absolutely horrible for you and a horrible time. I am assuming that this was all very sudden and unexpected. I can not even begin to understand the stress that you are going through.
That stress can wreak havoc on your digestive system and cause all sorts of symptoms including pouchitis-like symptoms.
I am not saying that it is not pouchitis brought on by stress, diet, or a number of other things or the begining of a flu...but do not knock gastro or any other seasonal illness off of the list.
Your whole system is being depressed by the shock and can be weakened to the point where it can pick up just about anything out there.
You may need (and this is an understatement) bedrest. Loads of fluids and something for the guts.
It may not be c-diff or even pouchitis. No way to know without testing...But you might wish to ride this out for a few days before going overboard on meds.
Is anyone with you? Can anyone stay with you and help you out with everything at this time? Do you have support?
I feel for you.
Sharon
Thanks for your reply Sharon, I'm so uptight right at this moment that I don't know what to do. No, it wasn't sudden, but yes, it was quicker than we had expected and I did fine with it, until now.

I think it is pouchitis because it seems to be responding to the cipro.

My sons have both been very helpful, but then they go home to their own homes, as it should be, and I'm left with the loss and feel alone even with their help.

Thank you so much for sending me your thoughts.
Mema,
Talking helps...long nightime chats with old friends, letter writting (emails) or a journal are also fine...you need to keep busy and surrounded by those who you love and those who love you (not always the same ones)...
Can you put it all down on paper? Write the story of your love, life and marriage with your husband...something to transmit to the kids later on?
Nothing ambitious but more just thoughts on paper. Do you have any old girlfriends that can stay with you for a while?
If it is responding then you are probably right...But keep an eye out for the signs of flu just in case.
Organzing and cleaning usually help me through the stress too...
If you need someone to 'talk' to (read: email) I can PM you with my address...
Sharon
I can relate. Went through a very ugly divorce, loss of job and colon all at the same time two years ago. Regained my health and happy with my job. Made peace with the ex over the the summer, but he died 2 months later. s sit around and wonder what could have been. Was even starting to contemplate dating again. But everything is on hols now that I will be in the hospital for the next six weeks after someone t-boned me at an intersection. Amazingly..... I am not depressed, because of all the outpouring of love from family, friends, and coworkers. But I hate being a burden. But I suggest you lean on your kids with continuous compliments and public kudos as much as possible until you are stronger. As for external stresses and responsibilities.... JUST SAY No!
Mema and Lesandiego,

I'm sorry for the loss of your husbands. I know you were divorced Lesandiego. You suffered when your marriage ended and then you suffered again when he died. I've been having a difficult time in my marriage and it might be ending. When we said "in sickness and health" I doubt any of us anticipated just what sickness could do to our relationships. Death is so final and can we ever be prepared for it?

I hope you can just take a break Mema. What would happen if you just put the breaks on your life and let yourself give in to your pain and grief for a while. My friend lost her husband suddenly do to a heart attack. After the funeral and everything was to go back to normal but she was depressed and didn't want to get out of bed. Her family and friends weren't helping as they told her she needed to pick herself up and get back to work. I might have been wrong when I told her to give herself some time before jumping back into everything full time. I think we should be able to give ourselves time to grieve. I'm not saying to wallow in it and do nothing for the rest of our lives but to give ourselves time to process all that's happened. Some people get back into everything right away and it's what is best for them. They get their minds off of things for 8 hours a day and it is relief for them. Other people just can't do that, compartmentalize their minds like that.

We are all different and hopefully some more time is all you need before tackling the rest of your lives. Be easy on yourself. Take the time you need to figure out what to do next. That doesn't mean you are giving up. I means you are taking your time.

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