Hi all! I had pouch creation 12/2014 and had takedown two weeks ago. My ileostomy was so, so amazing. Given how UC stonewalled me in all my efforts, I have a special regard for stomas... for me I felt like my stoma was my friend that had redeemed me from a miserable existence to sheer happiness. Before my first operation, I really wanted to avoid a stoma if possible (... which is why I opted for jpouch) but about 2.5 months before takedown I realized that I would have few issues with being a permanent ostomate. Nonetheless, already having the jpouch and talking with my surgeon, I have to try my pouch and see if I can get the same (or better!) quality of life.
I have had an unusually rough time after takedown. I am experiencing higher frequency, with urgency and slight leakage. I sleep poorly and am fighting anal irritation (although I'm winning that battle). My lifestyle has been affected pretty drastically, in exactly the same ways that UC did (which brings back bad emotions). I told my surgeon that I am going to study abroad for a year next month, and he said this should be fine, but I'm worried now that I'm going to be leaving without feeling well. I had a pouchoscopy last week and my surgeon said that there are no pouch problems and that I'm just having a rough start and that things will get better soon.
Nonetheless, I can't stop thinking about my stoma and that I should have stuck with the safety and stability that it gives. Especially when the gas pains and frequency are bad at night, I start fantasizing about calling my colorectal and telling him I'm coming back to get my barbie-butt. I also fantasize about being in the prep room before the first op and yelling "I want a permanent stoma!" and knowing that I won't get -itis, butt burn, or frequency/urgency/incontinence. I even fantasize about laser treating the hair off my peristomal skin!
How do I defeat these thoughts and give my pouch the chance it deserves?