Motivation

I am a big believer in the notion that each of us is "wired" in our own way. Faced with exactly the same trials and triumphs, we will each individually react and cope (or not). Having someone tell you to just stop being "sad" or to "power through it" mostly just makes you feel even more like you are losing some sort of invisible battle.

I also think that recognizing there is a problem in regard to depression and motivation is a big step in the right direction itself. Having that insight means that you can turn this around. You cannot imagine how many people are circling the drain, but think that is normal and OK.

I probably am not a good person to take advice from because I have never really suffered from depression, even though I have dealt with chronic illness for 40 years. But, from my professional (RN) and personal experiences (friends and family), it seems that people who seek relief from these feelings will get it. For many, it means asking your doctor about antidepressants to get your mind out of that "loop" and working on a positive focus. Sometimes talk therapy is good too. There is no one, right answer. For myself, I have just learned to try to ignore or downplay what is going wrong in my life, while focusing on the many positive things I have going on.

I enjoy the company of my close family unit, and friends who enjoy all aspects of life. I avoid or ignore negative people, particularly those who seem to think that life needs to be lived a certain way or it is not valued. Fooey on them! I try not to let pain keep me from doing things I enjoy, but sometimes I just have to sit things out. Oh well... There's always tomorrow.

Perhaps that is too simplistic, but after being diagnosed with pancolitis at 15, raising a family, and looking forward to retirement, simple things like a drive in the country or sipping some wine with my husband are great highlights of a hum-drum day. They make me forget about the pain in my hips or getting up at night. Maybe I won't live as long as other people, but I will be grateful for every day I get to experience.

Jan

Oh Kelsey,
I am so sorry that life is not doing what it should do for you at your age...I know how hard it is to be sick, young and exhausted...and so tired or being tired.
I agree with Jan that no one person holds the answers and no one can really tell you how to get past this but we sure can sympathyse a lot with you and hold your hand.
In our world, good health starts with baby steps. One iddy-biddy tiny step at a time. Each success is a triumph and each triumph is worth celebrating...a night without an accident or a movie out with a friend...or even being able to eat a meal with my hubby...
I am more of a realist or fatalist than an optimist but I do try hard to not to always look on the dark side of things...my secret? I am dumb. I still believe in hope, dreams and a bright future even though life has thrown me curves time and again. I belive in love, happiness and the goodness of others too...you just have to pick those others very carefully.
Life is way too tough so I try to keep happy people around me, optimists who can put a little joy back into life. Long nights with a best girlfriend and a bowl of ice cream can make my life worth living...or a long walk window shopping.
I just had my oldest childhood girlfriend come to stay for a week while my hubby was out of town...we were home by 8pm every evening and must have spent no more than $20/each/day but boy did we laugh. We laughed so hard that she pissed herself. We giggled like little girls again.
No stress, hubbys or responsibilities for a whole week (other than work for me)...that is my motivation.
Having the time and money to see those that I love the most...working hard on a project and bringing it to completion...playing with the grandkids or making bread.
It doesn't take much to make me happy...mostly making others happy is enough for me.
I hope that you find a support system that helps you to get over this hurdle and are able to get on with the life of being a care-free college student...
Sharon

Kelsey,

I wish I could reach out and slap whoever is suggesting you "stop" whatever it is they think you're doing. (Being sad? Seriously?) The underlying message is that you are doing "X" deliberately, or it's otherwise something that you have control over.

Please don't consider yourself "mentally ill." You used that term later on in your post - and while you didn't exactly SAY that you apply that term to yourself, it seems that way.

Jeez, if you weren't depressed to some degree with your circumstances, then I'd say you were off your rocker! I don't think that the perfectly normal reaction (depression) to very trying circumstances is mental illness.

There's degrees to everything of course. Some people cope with pain and illness better than I can, and I can only admire how they hold up. But that's them, and I"m me. And you are you.

Depression by definition (I think - I'm not a psychiatrist) involves a certain amount of "drag" on motivation. I don't know any tricks myself to get over it. All I know is that some days are worse than others in that department.

My dog and cat are the things I know can help me get over a funk. Baby talking with them, grooming, petting... all seem to make me feel a bit better. I think it has to to with releasing dopamine or other brain chemicals.

If there is anything that triggers that for you, maybe you can focus on it, and heighten it as an experience. Little islands of "feel good moments" in the day that break up the pain and depression if even for a few minutes.

Besides therapy, that's the only suggestion I have - besides of course slapping whoever it is that thinks you are *doing something* that you should stop. That will probably make you feel better....

I admire you for going forward and pushing yourself for your degree. It may be taking you longer to finish but the other students have not been ill and had their colon's removed and then been stuck with pouchitis! Your boyfriend doesn't get it, like most people out there. You can't just "snap" out of depression. There are many chronically ill people that are depressed because of their situation, not because they are mentally ill. This is probably your issue. You can not just snap out of it or "suck it up" as I was told by a former friend. As Jan said, I did weed some negative people out of my life. That doesn't mean your boyfriend needs weeding, he may just need time and educating. There are also studies or theories that there is a mind and gut connection meaning that the gut helps in the production of serotonin which is a chemical in the brain that has to do with depression. There are many people on here that are not on SSRI antidepressants so I don't know if that is necessarily true, but it is another consideration. I take an SSRI an am in talk therapy. I am chronically ill with not only pouch problems but other health problems which have left me disabled. It's hard to make lemonade some days out of all of my lemons so I certainly understand what you mean about it being hard to get out of bed.

Please see your GP and discuss taking and SSRI antidepressant and the possibility of seeing a therapist. I had to try 2 therapists until I found one I related to. If you don't have the funds for therapy it might be available for you at your student health center.

What you are experiencing is not because you are lazy and you are not the only one that feels this way. It is hard to push through pain and I think stress helps brings on flare ups. Quit beating yourself up, you are doing great with the cards you have been delt!