Me and Anxiety??

Hi Mads,
Nice to see you back again...No, you are not a 'typical' teen...you are an exceptional one...fantastic really...the fact that you come here for help and advice when things are going wrong shows exactly how mature you are...
Yes, many of us do get anxiety and depression more than the average person...not because we have IBD or a pouch but because we have been ill, suffered through disease, surgeries, treatments, complications and all of the horrors of the post pouch creations...you have to be made out of krptonite to not have some sort of depression or stress.
Plus, when you are a teen and all of your friends are 'normal' and healthy...you feel isolated and not understood. Love is not always enough although it is nice, really nice, to have it...my parents loved me but they never understood how paranoid I was of public places, spaces and crowds...I had had dozens of accidents in public and really didn't feel comfortable outside of my safe-zone.
When my dad kidnapped me after work to take me out to dinner for my 18th, I knew it was a disaster waiting to happen...there were 20+people waiting for me in a fancy, downtown Japanese restaurant...
When the cake was being brought out, my guts let go. I soiled myself, my clothes, the chair etc...I was mortified, terrified, pissed as all hell at my parents, humiliated etc...I got scooted into the closest bathroom, washed up, dried my clothes under the hand dryer and then covered myself with my coat and went home and cried myself to sleep...
Most of my birthdays back then looked like that...so I understand not wanting to celebrate...I hated it back then...Now, at 50+ I throw myself my own parties (at home, thank you!)...where I feel safe and comfortable...
Adolesence is hard enough to live through without IBD, surgeries, pouches etc...you deserve a medal just for surviving it.
Hugs
Sharon

Hi Mads!

It just means you're perfectly normal!!! Not sure of the stats, but a great many GI patients also suffer from anxiety and depression. I'm not sure what the link between the two are, but I can tell you, you're definitely not alone. I'm currently 44 (must seem so old to a 15 year old, good thing I'm so childish), been suffering with GI issues and surgery since I was 20. First came the depression, and about 5 years ago the crippling, horrendous, sever chronic anxiety. I thought I was loosing my mind, and was absolutely terrified to leave my home, fearing an anxiety attack in public, which actually happened several times. I honestly didn't know what was wrong, all I knew was I though I'd end up either having a heart attack, or in a psychiatric hospital. They were so bad, for a moment, I'd completely zone right out, as if my mind went totally blank, and I didn't know who I was, it scared the hell out of me. From one second to the next, my heart would start pounding, I'd break out in a cold, drenching sweat, I'd be absolutely terrified, but of what and why, I had no idea.

After seeing my family doctor, a mental health clinic, my GI doctor, internal medicine, and an endocrinologist, I was finally diagnosed with sever chronic anxiety and deep depression. I was put on three different Px meds, and with in a month, I felt 1000% better!! Unless it's happened to someone, they'll never understand just how crippling it can be, it was the worst feeling in the world, one, which I never want to feel again. I've been on the meds for years now, and aside from the rare, minor anxiety episode, which only lasts a few minutes, I'm back to normal (before the meds, my attacks would last for days, sometimes weeks), well, as normal as I can be . Talk to your doctor about it, if it's getting worse, get some meds to treat it, believe me, you'll feel back to normal in no time! Good luck kiddo, and keep us posted,

Cheers,
Eric

quote:

I have self diagnosed myself with "social anxiety disorder"

I think you are just a little bit shy. I am a naturally shy person, but I outgrew it when I became an adult. As a 15 year old boy, I was painfully shy and especially with girls, and the only ones I was emboldened to approach were those who I found out from third parties liked me. I was a fairly cute 15 year old kid so although awkward, I was able to grow somewhat through these interactions.

It may sound odd coming from someone who is 49 years old and has now been a trial attorney for 20 years, but public speaking does not come naturally to me. I was forced to overcome the fear of it and learned it was a developable skill in my case. Initially when I was a young attorney, I was very nervous and when I went to Court on even small routine issues that I can now argue half asleep, I would be petrified with fear. Guess what, I grew out of it. The turning point was that the fear was a great motivator, I came to Court well prepared and other attorneys started taking notice of me and mentioning to me outside the courtroom that they had overheard me and what they thought of my arguments. I got great feedback. I know I have the talent to be able to do it, but the natural shyness was getting in the way and it was something that I had to overcome. And I did.

At your age, I was very good answering questions in class, but getting up in front of a class of students and making a presentation was a different ball game. I was petrified at the thought. Now I speak in front of juries, judges, courts full of people. And there is no fear any more.

I think you are just a bit shy and learning to find your place, and your fears and anxieties are more normal than you think. The best way to overcome them is to tackle them head on. I recommend getting involved in debating clubs or teams, asking out as many girls as possible (taking your lumps and enduring rejection along the way), join the school choir and singing One Direction songs solo, etc. - all the things that will force you to deal with these anxieties head on.

It was a long process for me, but if I could go back in time to when I was a 15 year old high school student, that is what I would do. And a very deep regret is that I never asked out one girl in particular who (according to my sister) liked me, but there was just too much nerves involved at that time, because the girl was a captain of the school cheerleading squad and I probably put her on too high of a pedestal.

Life is a series of opportunities, and as you grow older, you regret the failure to seize many of the opportunities which you were presented with in your youth. As they say, youth is wasted on the young, and very true in my case. You live a MUCH fuller life when you attempt to seize all the opportunities that come your way. You really need to do that no matter how anxiety producing it will be. Just do it.

quote:

asking out as many girls as possible (taking your lumps and enduring rejection along the way),

Mads101 is a female.

kathy

quote:

Mads101 is a female.

Well she did not say she was a girl, and for some reason I thought it was a boy, probably because it did not sound like a girl's handle. Although now that I think about it some more, "Mads" could be a nickname for Madeline or Madison. When I initially looked at the handle I thought it was "Mad101" and it made me think of Mad Magazine which was a favorite of mine, and my male friends when I was in high school.

But the advice is still the same - except the part about asking out as many girls as possible.

Whether or not you have a clinical anxiety disorder, it is not uncommon for folks with IBD to have anxiety and depression. Some of it is an appropriate situational response/fear based on your prior experience. It is normal to want to avoid situations that may cause stress, and pooping your pants can be pretty stressful.

Add to that, a naturally shy/introverted personality, and you'll really be a person who avoids the limelight, extra attention, and the like.

Rather than worry if you have a pathological condition, embrace your nature and make the best of it. Nobody needs a dozen "friends" at a birthday party. Next time tell your folks you just want a quiet gathering or maybe a small slumber party with close chums. Those self tests can be misleading, especially if you are feeling especially off at the time. Serious anxiety is where you cannot function, like you can't attend school. It sounds like your family are extroverts, and that's why they don't "get it" when you tell them what you want. Maybe some of their style will rub off a little and you'll be able to be assertive with them. One of my sons is very shy and introverted. He is now 25 and has no trouble telling me to back off and leave him alone. We compromise. I insisted he attend his college graduation, but he didn't have to have a party. And growing up, he always had small sleep-overs for his birthdays...

Long story short, it's OK to be different.

Jan