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I never thought having a j pouch was such a rare thing. Family doctor has no other patients with J pouch, so unfamiliar with a lot of issues. Feeling depressed had to quit working go to Cleveland clinic and now because of complications with j pouch over 15 years, am now on Belladonna/Opium supp. every 12 hours for painful spasms and lack of control. Due to many infections in j pouch has left it weak. Family doctor put me on Wellbutrin 100mg 3 times a day and Klonapin 1mg up to 3 a day for anxiety. Was still feeling really down so she sent me to psychologist of course with no other patience's with my issue, put me on 60mg of Prozac 1 time a day. Took it all for about 3 months was a walking zombie and more depressed. So weaned myself off Prozac and am not as tired but still very down with no energy at all. Just want to go to a psychologist that has other patients with my issue so he knows some things that have helped. I have to keep telling them no time released or coated because do not absorb them in time. Just so tired of feeling like I will never feel normal again and never here I know how you feel and help me. I have been on Lexapro and a couple over years. I am just a quinny pig anymore. E mailed doctor at Cleveland clinic and was told when I come in next month they will order a psy consult. Now they diagnose me with hasimoto disease. I cant be the only one out there that feels so alone. I do talk 1 time a week with a college student studding in psychology. Its just 5 dollars a time so I am not just looking for a magic pill. No support groups in my area. I have never felt so alone and sad.

 

 

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Hashimoto's disease could be a key finding. Having experienced it, I know it can include depression and anxiety along with all kinds of other subtle, but troubling symptoms. Hopefully you will get treatment and start to feel better. Just be aware that it can take a long time to notice any improvement with the medication and it can also take a long time to find the right dosage. Once you do, it can make a world of difference. Sounds like you need something different!

Best of luck with all of it. 

I don't have hashimotos but have hypothyroidism and take  Levothyroxine that is generic synthroid.  I've had a lot of trouble with dosing since my takedown 4 years ago. I was on every dose between 75-175 MCG.  Your problem is worse than mine so please get it checked often until they have your dose stabilized.

 

IMO your psychologist needs to be replaced. I switched to taking wellbruitin 3 time a day vs the ER once a day pill after surgeries.  Why he can't grasp the problem with extended release medication is crazy.  The generic non coated are cheaper compared to the name brand extended release ones. He's not the one writing the prescription is he? Psychiatrist's, who are MD's, should understand how the loss of your colon makes things move through your system at a faster rate.  You PCP can also prescribe for you.  You might need to have a discussing about his with her/him about this. I shouldn't have done this but I cut some of my ER's in half and took it twice daily before I got the script changed.

 

It's not so much the disease or type of illness affecting your body. You need to find someone that understands chronic illnesses &/or pain.  When we lost our gut we lost a function that is involved with production of serotonin and other chemicals in our brain as well.  This means that a lot of us can become depressed on that alone. I'm taking generic wellbutrin and Amitriptyline now.  I started Amitriptyline it to control my migraines last August.  Taking that got rid of most of my headaches and I went off of Viibryd when I switched. I had the additional benefits as it made my stools thicker, like the consistency of peanut butter.  My Mayo Neurologist and GI agreed it could help with my j-pouch too.  It  took the place of 2 daily medications, the one I had been on for migraines and and antidepressant. It also helped with my j-pouch. I take all the day's dose at before bedtime.  No need for ER or coated pills to worry about either. I take wellbruition 3 times a day.  My Internist knows about j-pouches and IBD as she has many other patients with them.  Plus I finally found a psychiatrist that was taking new patients and she adjusted the dosage. I am less depressed. It could be therapy alone but I doubt it. I think it is my sort of miracle drug.

 

IMO it's not time to dump your  pouch yet.  

 

 

 

Last edited by TE Marie

Frances,

I am so sorry. 

I know what it feels like to go from symptom to symptom and complications until people either think that you are nuts or pretending.

My GP has 0 experience with J pouches, IBD or colonless beings. 

He didn't even know that k pouches existed or were possible (I had 1 doctor tell me that I was making things up and that I really did have a colon but refused to admit it!).

LIfe is never easy when your biology changes and things get cut out of you.

You just have to keep searching for the answers to all of the questions...Hashimotos is a good start and may just provide you with the answers and the treatment...you are heading in the right direction.

Don't give up on your pouch. At least not yet. Wait until your thyroid is under control (do not neglect your iron levels either...Sometimes it is more than one problem that needs treating at the same time).

You need a good doctor who can coordinate everything and make sure that both your body and mind are being dealt with. 

This disease takes a lot out of you and often comes with friends (autoimmunes seem to travel in groups...And invite other friends to join them!)...it is natural to get depressed when your body is out of control.

Exhaustion & depression can come from anemia, thyroid or dehydration (plus tons of other possibilities) and once you get those under control and proper meds you may find that things improve.

You are not alone. There are a lot of us out here who understand you.

Sharon

Thank you all so much for taking the time to write to me. I know you all understand. When i was told at cleveland clinic that i had Hashimoto and then said nothing. She said my ANA levels were a little high and wanted me to see a rhymotologist and i waited a month saw her and was confused as to why i was there and before i saw her they had me do a bone density test and it came back ok with i think they said osteopina. So i dont know  why i was even sent there. I will never give up on my j pouch, i had a bag for 3 months before i got my j pouch and i will never ever go back to that. I have my yearly scope at cleveland clinic next month than my consult about it the next week. She told me when i e mailed her about finding someone pshchologist that had experience with people with j pouches. She told me they would make a psyc appt. for me but i should google and research someone also. I have done that every way i could. I would like to find someone closer to my home than the cleveland clinic which is an hour and a half drive and my husband has to take off work due to me not being able to drive. I dont talk to my family anymore all they do is worry and there is nothing they can do. This web site is the only thing that makes me feel like i am totally not alone. I never knew or was told until now when you told me that something to do with loosing your colon has something to do with your seratonin. My body and mind is so screwed up not sure what to do anymore.

Sorry my spell check is not working. Bless you all

Due to being disabled I'm on Medicare insurance. There are few psychiatrists in my are that take Medicare.  Plus I can't self pay as Medicare forces us to go to professionals on their list. It makes sense looking at the entire population of us on Medicare but not individually.  I called Medicare and was provided a list via email of all the Providers in my area that accepted them.  Then I had to weed out all the ones that weren't taking new Medicare patients.  Your insurance company can furnish the same thing for you.

 

Take care 

I have gone two 2 and either one had any patience with my issues and one just said it would be better to find someone that has others with that issue. Then did not know of any. Are you kidding me!!!!

The second one i went to that that my family doctor sent me to is the one that put me on 60mg of prozac and with all the other medicines that she knew about, i was a walking zombie and was more down than before. Plus she also was not familair with my issue. That is why i weaned myself off that stuff. I am not as tired but my aniexty level is really high. I would do anything to have a support group near me. I went to 1 about 2 years ago and only 2 people showed up so they closed it.

Im just warn out and tired of trying to feel better and just not getting anywhere. Maybe this is just the way it goes for me.

I cant tell you how much its meant to me to have strangers care and take the time to write to me.

Have a blessed day.

Frances

Spell check is still not working sorry.

I was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder about 8 years ago and found Cognitive Behavior Therapy to be my saving grace.  It gave me the tools to recognize when I was starting to feel anxious before it was out of hand and then how to bring it down to a manageable level. I no longer suffer daily anxiety and when it does show up I feel that I can shut it down and move on without a huge impact to my day.

I'm in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy too with a licensed therapist which I have had better luck with than psychologists.  The first psychologist I went to didn't see that I was having any problems! My Internist said to cancel my next appt with him and quit wasting MY time.  I then found a therapist that used EMDR therapy for PTSD.  She actually asked me a lot of questions that led her to diagnose all of my mental health problems. Anikki is right.  We need to learn the tools to help us deal with all the crap that's happened and still is happening to us.  The therapist I loved had a horrible accident and couldn't come back to work  My Internist gave me a flier about a Chronic Pain Support group of classes.  When I called about it I found out the therapist that was handling it had room to add me as a client for individual therapy.  I believe that the group is the only one of it's kind in the entire state - but the state only has 3 million people living here, even though I'm in the biggest area with close to a million. That group is much better than I thought.  There is even a gal there with crohns.  My CBT therapist used a huge sticky note that is probably 2'3'.  We went through steps to recognize and calm myself down when problems arise. I have it stuck to the bedroom door so I can review it from time to time.  It took me a long time to find this lady and it was through the back door and the flier my doctor gave me.  Hopefully you can find someone like one of mine.  

 

Last edited by TE Marie

About medication, I think antidepressants are used for anxiety as well.  That is what I was talking about with the "Amitriptyline" wordy discussion above. I don't know how bad your problems are so was just telling you mine.  In addition to the antidepressants I take I have xanex.  Most days I don't need it anymore but there are stretches of time I take 2 or 3 a day.

Your post was not wordy. It really is so nice to here some one else story, and how they handle things. its a very lonely condition that know one wants to talk about. that is why I wish so much there were support groups. Just to here I know how you feel and meet others would be so great. I am going to look into the cognitive behavior therapy.

Thank you so much for writing to me.

God Bless

Frances

If it wasn't for everyone in this group's support I am afraid where I'd be now.  There are just too few of us that have these illnesses and surgeries to have anything other than online support.

 

I'm glad we have given you some other ideas.  It's hard for others to understand why we just didn't snap back to being the way we use to be.  We have to find a new normal.  It is sad but I'm now looking forward and defining a new "normal" for me.

Last edited by TE Marie

I find it so sad to feel so alone. I dont think trying to find a psychologist near me that maybe has other patience with my issue or knows some thing of the issues would be such a hard thing.  Having to quit working over 2 years ago was so hard and i have gained 40 pounds and never being this heavy even 9 months pregnant has really brought my self esteem down. I feel worthless and its a terrible feeling. My doctor sent me a name of someone to see but its in the cleveland clinic an hour and a half away. I asked him if he knew anyone near where i live. It would be ok if it was a one time appt but i dont think it will and my husband has to take off work to drive me. i have enough guilt for putting him through so much i cant do that. I am going to my family doctor tomorrow to see if she can give me something stronger for my anxiety. I am on Klonapin 1mg up to 3 times a day and wellbutrin 100mg 3 times a day. Its funny i chew them a little to make sure i absorb them. Maybe she can give me some ideas of finding some one or a clue how to do it. I love her but like so many others she has no one with my condition and i feel she is very unsure. well thanks again for listening.

Its record breaking cold today and tomorrow so going out is a joy.lol

Have a blessed day

Frances

I cant figure out why my spell check will not work. Without it im horrible.

Hello Frances...I too travel to Cleveland Clinic for appts. etc.  it is an 1 1/2 hr drive for me and my husband or daughter do the same thing (take off work) for me.  But remember, that you are important to them and knowing that you need to get to these appts. are important for your well being and health.  At times I am so down that I can't even imagine getting out of bed because of ongoing health issues but I know that "giving up" is not an option.  Be careful with all the drugs for anti depression and anxiety.  Sometimes one can interfere with the other.  Make sure all the Drs.  you see know what you are on even your pharmacist should be kept up to date (especially if you go to more than one pharmacist).  I have had my J pouch for 25 years now and just these past 7 years had been a struggle to say the least.  Talking to others is the only way I cope...I just found this forum and it has definitely helped me to realize that others are struggling too...sometimes much worse than I could ever imagine.  I wish you well.

Patti

I would really like to flush all medication down the toilet. I take wellburtrin 100mg 3 times a day and klonipin1mg 3 times a day, Belladonna/Opium supp every 12 hours, Synthroid 200mg because of the Hashimoto thing. I take so many vitamins I think I rattle when I walk. lol. Its very hard for me because I thank god every day that my husband of 31 years is extremely healthy. He does yoga and teaches yoga. He rides his bike with a group of people in the summer, he has been volunteering on ski patrol at our local ski resort for 19 years. He has never been in the hospital. He really tries to be compationate but he will never know what I go through everyday. I have been In the hospital so many times I cant even count. Very few people besides family and very close friends even know. My boys say I should be an actress because they forget or have no idea when im having a bad day. I don't want it to define me with my family but inside I am crying because I feel so bad that everyone is so healthy and I am broken and have been for so long and really don't see it getting better anymore. Your right there are many days I don't want to get out of bed but I do. I have a great family and I would not be here if it was not for them. Family is everything.

Thanks for not making me feel so alone.

God Bless

Frances

I don't want to sound like misery loves company but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one that needs to have their family or friends drive them to places like the Cleveland Clinic and Mayo.  It doesn't sound like much but it's upsetting that I can no longer drive very far.  My dad is elderly and I use to visit them more often.  He lives 3 hours away and I use to drive there just to take him to his big medical appointments.  

 

Frances, I am taking the same prescription strength of wellbutrin as you do PLUS I'm taking another antidepressant along with Xanax for anxiety as needed.    I'm not advocating for specific antidepressants just saying that you might need to add a second antidepressant.  I dislike being on so many prescriptions but I clearly need them. You might want to google things like "gut as 2nd brain" to read about how much our colon affected processes in our brains.     

Thanks Marie I will google it today before I go to family doctor. I here a lot about zanex does it make you tired or just relaxed? I know the klonipin is no longer working.

My mom lives just down the block and I have to be there about 4 hours a day she has breast cancer and is now deaf and has other medical issues. If I did not go there to help her she would not be able to live in her house now that my dad has been passed away almost 4 years. She is one of my best friends and I will do what ever I have to so she can stay in her house. But its really hard some days when I am feeling really bad. Im the only one that has the time now. My sister takes sundays.

Its overwhelming sometimes but im all she has and she has always when she was sick been here for me.

Is record breaking cold here today it got down to 15 below 0 last night and I think it will be 5 today, buy tomorrow we will have a heat wave of 30. lol

I hope you have a good day.

God Bless

Frances

Well i went to my family doctor on friday, who i love. I told her i weaned myself off the prozac because i was a walking zombie and cant live like that. I told her my aniexty is horrible now. I told her i was e mailing j pouch doctor about possible him recommending someone i could talk to that treats others like me. I asked them if he knew anyone around my area and this took 3 weeks asking his physicans assistant that i really liked got no answer until i cc the doctor and my question was smaill two paragraphs long and after 2 weeks she answered me and asked i could shorten my question. I was really upset i was just asking for physiciotrist in my area if they knew anyone.

 I shortened it to two sentences and she wrote me back good question but they usually wait for the consult and if they feel i need a phyic consult they will make an appt. like i am crazy. Then i get a name the next day and he is only in the Cleveland clinic. So  i gave up with them. My GI doctor that i had for allmost 20 years who i loved retired and i thought maybe i will make an appt to see who took over for him and see if he can recommend anyone local. Am i the only one who wants to talk to someone that has treated someone like me and not hear the same thing well i dont have any other paitience with your condition so lets start trying some things.

When i told my family doctor all this she said that usually all he GI doctor will do is referred to her. She said she was going to research people this weekend and would call me by tuesday with a local name that she thought could really help. She is amazing and so compationate.

About 7 weeks ago i was told i had to go to rhymotologist and and took bunch of blood and pee sample and sent me the results that i had a UTI but gave me nothing and i had had it and forgot it.

So i have been feeling off for awhile now and pain in lower stomach. While i was at family doctor gave her a pee sample and she said i had a terrible UTI and with the papers from the other doctor asked me what she put me on and i said nothing. She could not believe it. So i had blood in my urine and a fever of 102 and she asked me how long and i never take my temp and the pains i just thought were the j pouch giving me a hard time. She put me on liquid antibiotic and said if i was not better by today to call her. She said that i was not taking care of myself and i needed to start. I feel a little better.

She didnot want to give me anything more than the well butrin and klonopin and instead of 60 mg off prozac to take 20mg until she finds someone for me to talk to.   

I feel very judged my my husband taking all this medicine but he has never been sick and is mr healthy teaching yoga and doing it everyday and is very active. I get angry and than just sad that he is so healthy and i am not. He really tries to be compationate but has no idea and i keep everything in anymore.

Today is a bad day i just feel broken and no light at the end of my tunnel.

Please forgive me for going on and on but i have never had anyone until this web site that knows how i feel.

Have a blessed day

Frances

Just read your post Frances and honestly I do understand how lonely & scary it is to be pushed and shoved from one doctor to another with no follow up and no communications between them...they have dropped the ball.

You need 1 doctor willing to coordinate your healthcare and treatment. Doesn't really matter whether it is your family doctor or your surgeon or a G.I. but someone who can read your results and perscribe your treatment.

Shame on your doctor who saw that you had a UTI and did not suggest treatment. You must understand that most doctors are not like that and really do care about their patients.

You might need to become your own best advocate and keep track of who does what, what bloodwork and treatments are being perscribed and if things are getting better or not.

For now you need to take your antibiotics, get lots of fluids into you, get tons of rest and some peace and quiet.

Drink tea, water or diluted juice but do not dehydrate. We, as pouchers and women tend to be more prone to both dehydration and UTIs. Our pouches don't absorb water like a colon does so we lose a lot of the water through the pouch and therefore don't pee as much as other people.

You need to remember to drink especially when you have a UTI. It helps to flush out your bladder.

Do you have anyone that you can talk to? A friend? A girlfriend? 

If not we are always here...

Take care of yourself

Sharon

After my recent car accident and spending another month in the hospital with severe situational depression, my doctor prescribed Zoloft.  I took one dose and spent a full day with severe diarrhea and cramping.  I had success with antivan (antidepressant) in the past, so doc prescribed it for me.

I no longer have a daily pittty party, and am now better at facing all of the hard work I have to do to be able to walk again.  Also, I have absolutely no side effects with Antivan.

I am not a zombie and I call them my "happy pills".

So sorry to here about your accident. Did you mean Ativan and how many mg do you take how often.  I take klonopin1mg up to 3 times a day for anxiety. If it was not for that now I don't what I would do. I have received so much help encouragement and just to know I am not alone has meant the world to me. Your in my thought and hope you recovery fast so you can go home.

Line from one of my favorite movies THERES NO PLACE LIKE HOME

Take care

Frances

Thanks skn69,

I have a couple friends and my sister who is my best friend but try not to talk to them about it. Its the last thing they want to here im sure. So I don't talk to anyone except you all now. I feel it has defined me and my life and I don't want to be anymore of a burden to anymore than I have already.

I do go talk to a student at Kent State that is in a program that its taped and evaluated and then erased. I go 1 time a week but have not gone for a couple weeks but will go this week. To be honest it really has not helped but its better than nothing.

I hope and pray that my family doctor calls me with a name of someone that I can talk to that can help. I feel worn out trying to find someone that might help.

Have a nice day

Frances

Dear Frances,

I missed the recent posts, so I just read everything over again. I got teary eyed when I read about your husband not understanding - and that he is Mr. healthy.  I am sad for you because my husband sounds like yours.  Mine's been a bully at times and I hope your husband is more understanding.   He's been better lately.  

 

Depression and anxiety are not things that you can talk yourself into feeling better.  If we could we would be better!  My dad didn't understand why I needed therapy for so long.  

I hadn't told him everything because he's elderly and ill.  He's 83 now and takes a "happy" pill himself.  Eventually he understood why I needed to keep going.  I'd never told him everything as I didn't want him to worry.  I imagine you feel the same way about your mother.  Even though I'm a grandma dad still worries about me. I found it was better for both of us if I shared more with him.  You are close with your mother and I don't know if you've shared things with her or not.  She might be a good one to talk to. 

 

I am so glad your GP has you on antibiotics and hopefully they will help with your pouch function too.  I'm wondering if the klonopin taken with the other antidepressant made you zombie like.  I've found that I don't need to take xanex as much as I did before I started taking a second antidepressant along with my wellbutrin.  Hopefully you are taking it in 3 pills though out the day and still not on the extended pill.  I tried 2 other antidepressants since my surgery 4+ years ago before finally getting on this last one.  It's helping me but I don't think there will ever be a medication that will get me out of my funk.

 

A few years ago my daughter, in her 30's, asked me why I had to take so much medication.  She thought I need to quit taking it and then I'd feel better.  I didn't get mad as I knew she did this out of concern.  She was also living 900 miles away and didn't see me very often.  We discussed one prescription at a time, starting with my thyroid medication.  Once she understood what each medication was for she agreed that I needed to take them.  

 

Take care

 

 

You are so sweet I wish we lived closer I could really use a friend like you. My mom has never been a strong person or anyone I could lean on. I love her dearly but she is a very selfish person and does not even drive since my dad passed 4 years ago. She is a recovering alaholic and we had to take car away to keep her safe. She is 77 now and just wants to sit in her chair and given pills to make everything better she will not work at anything. My dad said take care of your mom before he died. My one sister lives 4 hours away and comes down about 2 times a year and does nothing to help. My other sister works full time has 3 kids 1 college 1 high school and 1 jr high. She goes over on Sundays. My sisters both are type a personalities and don't understand why since I am home that my house is not like Martha Stewarts like there's and neat as a pine.

I know my husband tries to understand but being that he has never been sick and is mr healthy its hard for him. Since I have had to stop working 3 years ago I have gained 40 pounds and I know that does not help with my self esteem at all. It was easier when I was working and felt good. I want to care about myself and think that I am worth something but believing it is another thing. God I am so sorry I sound like poor poor me.

I do most everything alone and isolate myself and I know that is worse thing with depression you can do. The friends I have all work and I feel safe at home if something happens.

I know what a mess so sorry.

The sun is out but its only 6 degrees today. I am going to my moms to clean for her this morning.

Thanks so much for listening.

Frances

I feel for you and your mother.  One day in therapy my therapist said "You know your mother is crazy don't you?'  I'd thought she was bipolar and narcissistic but she has antisocial personality behavior (sociopath) coupled with being narcissistic.. I no longer have a relationship with her.  I hope your mother is better than mine.   It sounds like you had a nice dad.  What do you think he would say about your current situation?  It's time you should concentrate on taking care of you and I bet your father would agree.  Maybe your sisters could help out with paying for some in-home care so the burden isn't so great on you.  You are ill.  A 102 temperature and bad UTI along with your wonky j-pouch would have sidelined them all, including your husband.  If you die before her she will get by some how. As my therapist said to me. "Do you think your mother deserves to have a relationship with you?" 

 

You don't sound like a poor me.  You sound like you need some understanding. It's hard to change relationships.  Especially with our mothers. 

I take o.5. Mg Ativan 1 to 2 times a day.  I know it is prescribed for anxiety, but it really helps me from being tearful.  I have been home from the hospital for six weeks now, but still wheelchair bound.  Doc says no weight bearing for 3-4 months and my car accident was on 12/18/14.

Since I just recovered from a 2-year long term disability with my J-pouch issues, I feel this accident has set me back to square one.  I have never had a broken limb in my life, and I now I have a broken ankle, tibia, knee, and wrist all on my predominant right side.

My new company sponsored insurance, surgeon, and surgeons staff really suck, whereby getting help or treatment is constantly a battle.  I have been home six weeks and have yet to receive professional therapy.  Have had to do my own exercise regime with the help of my dear friend who has uprooted her own life to give me 24/7 care that I require for months. 

Hoping my wrist will improve soon so that I can use crutches and have more mobility and to possibly work from home when my FMLA runs out.  It will be a few more months before I can drive again and I cannot have anybody drive me to work since I work in a secure area on a Naval base.

 I am so sorry after all you have gone through than this accident. I am glad to hear that you seem to have a good support system. That is so important. Im glad the ativan helps i say it it helps thats all that is important. I think Insurance companies and drug companies are the worst. No rehab is terrible but im so happy that you have taken on yourself to help. Insurance takes your money but dont want to help when you need them.

It sounds like you have a really good additude and that makes all the difference.

Take Care

Frances  

 

Well i had a much needed good cry last night. I was alone my husband was on ski patrol and i just felt so sad that i just cried and i actually think there is something said for a good cry. I felt better after if that makes any sence.

I do take care of my mom everyday beacause there is know one else. She is not social at all and depends totally on me. My sister that lives 4 hours away is very rich with 3 houses but she has not and will not help my mom. They are alot alike they are both very selfish. My mom is on a fixed income so im it. Please dont get me wrong i love my mom but its just such a huge responsiblity and when i am not feeling good i still need to. I was cleaning for her yesturday and she knew i was not feeling well and when i was done she said please now go home and lay down.

I have been waiting for a call from my familly doctor that said that she was going to call me by tuesday with some names near here that i could talk to and hopefully have others like me that would make it so much better. I have not heard from her yet and i know she is busy so i will call her if i dont here from her by friday. Its funny yesturday i get a voice mail message from a doctor at the cleveland clinic saying that he talked to my doctor and even though its not something is very familer with that  i should call him and make an appt, so we could talk and maybe he could help. I just sat there and thought i told my cleveland clinic doctor that i was looking for someone local that maybe had someone with my condition and could help me. I find it funny sad that he would have someone call me that does not even deal with my condition.

I dessperatly need to talk to someone that could help me mentally because i feel worse every day.

My husband bought me a sad lamp for some light therepy and i try and use it twice a day. He thinks that there should be a herb or something natural instead of presciptions and that really makes me feel bad. If there was something out there dont you think i would be taking it?

He says that i should excersize every day and i know he is wright about that it does make me feel better, but i am at such a low point that i dont seem to care about me like i am not worth it anymore. If i go its always alone and he never offers to go with me. He teaches a all level yoga class tonight at a church near by and i go every time. I do like it and my youngest son goes and my brother in law goes and members of the church go and we have had this class for about over 3 years and i do love it. We are like a little family.

I think my weight is a big issue with me gaining over 40 pounds makes me feel terrible about myself. I went the other day to our local place about 5 blocks from our house and out of know where just started leaking and i went to the bathroom 3 times in the hour i was there and then gave up and went home. Thank god for long pads.

I hope and pray that my doctor can give me a name of someone that can help me i am at the end of my rope.

Well i am going to put on yoga pants and a t shirt and always have my gaterade to keep me hydrayeted.

He is a good man he only charges 5 dollars and gives half of what ever he makes to the food charity.

You will never know how much talking to you means to me.

Thank you

Frances

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