I am not sure that I can give you any joy but how about a bit of hope?
I am not going to tell you that this is going to be a cakewalk and I won't pretend that you won't have some pain and suffering (the I.V.s hurt me the most, the rest was taken care of through morphine drips
) but I can tell you that once the pouch is in there and you start getting some improvement (going a few hours without twisty-nasty cramps and bloody runs) and as you start to feel idy-bidy triumphs you will feel like you have just climbed Everest.
We all mark our successes differently but going out to a restaurant or mall for a walk, being able to go to the beach or run in the park with the kiddies...Those are my Olymic medals...you will have yours and each time you 'win one' you will have tears of joy in your eyes...
I agree with you that if you feel that you can't handle them then you shouldn't take meds but maybe they could give you a good oldfashioned valium to get a good night sleep.
If I had a prescription to write you it would be for really funny movies, good books, fun music and close friends to spend these last, terrifying weeks with...find a passion and start preparing for it whether it be learning a new language or art or craft or planning to run your first marathon or take Pilates classes.
Plan a trip around the world or for a new job. Just keep dreaming and making plans...it passes the time and helps the time go faster.
By the way, my favorite game? Buying a lottery ticket. I can spend hours dreaming what I will do with the winnings if I win....
Hang in there, time goes a lot faster when you are having fun.
ps..if your parents are not toxic then maybe it would be a good idea to keep them around for a while, this is not the time to be alone.