A very close family friend had surgery in June for a rectal bleed and weight loss.
They removed a large chunk of colon and rectum but did not create a j pouch. They gave him a temp ileo which was, to say the least, problematic. He spent more time in hospital for dehydration than at home (and was probably more comfortable there too). His wife was feeding him fried foods, chinese and pizza as soon as he got home. No wonder his ileo hated him.
He did not accept the ileo and refused to deal with it at all. It leaked constantly.
When he couldn't take it any longer they rehooked him (3 months) and did tests.
He had metatastisized everywhere.
In spite of the chemo and the radiation they have given him between 3 months and a year. No hope.
The rant starts now.
His wife decided from the start that he should not see anyone. Not friends, nor family.
No one is allowed to go visit him in the hospital or at home. We are not allowed to call him. We are supposedly unaware of his condition. It is not to be discussed.
It is embarassing. It is a dirty cancer. It is unmentionalbe.
I am pissed. This is a man who has so little time left. He could have his people around him, distractions, friends...I don't know what. I feel like his wife is living in the 1970's where we were left to rot in a corner because our cancer was unmentionable. We were parias.
This is my frustration talking. I thought that we had finally grown up and become open and honest about this disease and suddenly I feel like we have been thrown 40yrs into the past.
What do you do? Call anyway? She is manning the phones and he does not answer them. Knock on the front door? Send flowers? How do you show support and affection to someone who is a dying prisoner in their own home?
I do not want to upset his wife but...her opinion is that he should just be allow to die and not fight, not take any treatments...just to die and get it over with. He is just depressed (rightly so!)
Any suggestions? His family is at witts end...I am supposed to have the great ideas but I am running dry on this one.
Sharon