Failed IVF #1

I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work for you. I don't blame you for feeling like there's no point in trying again.

What you have to remember is that the chances of success are only 40% to begin with, so even with everything perfect, those odds aren't great. Maybe your lining wasn't thick enough, or maybe the transfer was one day too early or too late for your body. The drs make the best guess based on what they know of women in general but each person is different.

Keep in mind each cycle has a 40%chance of success so the next cycle has as much chance of working as the first one. One failed cycle doesn't mean all failed cycles.

I think you have to figure out what this means to you. If you can't have a baby biologically what does that mean to you? Does that mean no kids? Or would you consider adoption? Or surrogacy? Then you can determine if you need to try again. It is heart wrenching for sure, and it is hard to go through all that and get a negative test. But only you will know what feels right.

It's hard sometimes for men to understand what this process is really like for women. When I went to try for my second child, my husband barely knew it was happening. Wasn't helping with shots, didn't keep track of where we were in the process. When I told him I felt alone he was surprised and said it seemed like I had everything u der control and we'd been through this before so no big deal.

For us there are so many other things wrapped up in the process and that makes it hard to separate what the issues are. Take a few days to get through this loss, then think about what is next.

I'm so sorry this wasn't successful this time.

JillM, thank u so much for your thoughts! U really dont know how much they mean to me right now. I dont really have anyone else that understands that I can talk to so you are very much appreciated!
I am not going to give up, I know 42 is getting old but I certainly feel 32 instead, lol
After my husband and I doing a lot of research last night and today I think we are close to a new plan. First it doesnt look like we may have picked the right doctor. I know it was dumb on my part but since he was suggested by my gyn I didnt really research him. His numbers for success seem very low compared to a lot of other doctors in the area and his reviews from patients were not very good. So we will be meeting with some new docs.
Secondly I definitely think there is either egg quality problem (due to my age) or implantation issue. Although I was told several times that uterus lining looked great, around 10mm. So we are going to look into an egg donor and then try to find ways to help my uterus as well. All we can do is go from here so here we go....

Happy to help when I can...this process is hard enough. Good for you for having a plan.

Make sure that you look at success rates by age group. A clinic with great results for 30-35 might not have good luck with over 40. Also be sure to check not only pregnancy rates but live birth rates.

Also, did you use progesterone? It has shown to help with implantation and early pregnancy. I did suppositories but some of my friends did progesterone in oil which is an IM shot. Clinics have different approaches to this so find this out too.

You might also want to look into research that came out a few years ago that shows success rates when transferring one embryo were as good as when transferring multiple.

Finally, if you have concerns about egg quality have you considered PGD? Some clinics will only do it if there is a diagnosed genetic issue but all clinics are different. This process takes the embryos and screens them to find the healthiest and highest quality ones to transfer.

Use the next few months to take care of yourself. I suggest doing a massage a week leading up to your next cycle. Anything you can do to be healthy, strong and relaxed.

Good luck!

I am going through with PGD right now so I don't give my child FAP. I will tell you it's not cheap but I don't want to have that chance of passing it on and with doing PGD they can test for downs and other chromosone problems before they implant which is nice bc that is something I'm concerned about with my age. I'm sorry to hear that it didn't take. We will be doing the IVF in 2 months and I hope it takes...I don't know if we could afford going through another one since insurance won't pay for it.