I have been missing in action for a while due to another death in the family...I got a 2am call that had me in a plane across the Atlantic 6 hrs later (never moved so fast in my life)...
The death of my best friend's mom was not unexpected but there was no timeline in how much longer she could live...she died, sitting up in her chair (after bingo!) with no tubes or artificial anything attached to her...a lovely way to go...
I had asked her if she would allow me to accomplish my own mourning period for my mother at the same time as she did for hers (we sort of shared mothers growing up and I was unable to be there for my own mother's death, funeral etc) and she said yes...so arm in arm, we stood for the eurolgy, burrial and the 7 days of mourning and traditional prayers...locked into a ritual of mourning, healing and closure that is not just necessary but salutary...we were surrounded by family, friends and loved ones who really were there for us the whole time...I was amazed and oh, so grateful.
I have been living in a black abyss since my own mom died 8 months ago and unable to move forward so this rite of passage, if you will, was essential for both of us...we cried for both of our moms who we loved beyond measure or understanding, reliving the good and bad and deciding to throw out the bad and only conserve the best of memories...we need to be able to live the rest of our lives facing forwards, at peace.
I burried a part of my mom beside hers, a fittting gesture being that all of our lives had been so intimately intwined over the years and hope that some of the pain, both physical and emotional that I have suffered this last year, will evaporate.
I feel 'lighter' and freer for the first time in ages and hope to be able to move on...closure is such an important part of our lives and should never be neglected...not even post op, post collectomy or any other radical medical change in our lives.