can I please have a meltdown?

OMG! What a toxic situation. Your poor father. My prayers are with you and your father.

So sorry about this, Sharon. While not the same, there is nothing to stop you from writing a note or letter to the doctor to inform him of your concerns. Of course, it is not the same as a conversation, but it is something.

I had to resort to this to contact my step-mother's psychiatrist. Naturally, it did not matter, not even with confirmation from her primary doctor. But, I did what I could.

At least you are not barred from seeing you dad! Try not to push to hard, or that might change too. Sounds like he needs all his children.

Best wishes for him to make the best of this terrible situation.

Jan

Thanks Jan,
I managed to communicate with his nurse and had them add a criptic "daughter suffers from D'Heller's-Danlos syndrom, a heriditary disease...Mother did not have it."
That way it is non-agressive and strictly true. I cannot be accused of anything except communicating pertinent medical information.
Surgery is on for tomorrow...spent some time with him and the only words he spoke were, 'I'm scared'.
He knows and is terrified...I don't blame him but they have no choice...gaingreen has set in.
Poor, poor daddy...he did not deserve this.
Sleepless night tonight...
Sharon

Sharon, bad family dynamics can make a crisis even harder to manage. You should not have to be "accused" of anything. It sounds like you are doing everything humanly possible for your dad despite all of this and he is lucky to have you to advocate for him. My best thoughts go out to you and him.

Surgery has been put off until his numbers are up..they are too far off...the heavy anticoagulant treatment has caused his blood to become too fluid and they cannot do the surgery until it thickens up...he is running a fever and his breathing is shallow...last night I had them put him on O2 because he was fighting for breath...he is dying in front of my eyes and I am powerless to help...the gangrene is gaining ground...pretty soon it is going to be a fight to keep him alive...no one should die in pieces.
Sharon

Dearest Sharon,

You are being the best advocate and daugher for your father. The femur is the largest bone in the body and a major surgery for a man his age, which I'm sure your know. How they can get him into shape to operate with his precarious condition is a daunting task.

I'm glad that you are there at his bedside seeing that he is getting all the care he needs. We all know nurses can't be with patients 24/7 and when they are as sick as your father someone really needs to be with them a lot. Is your sibling taking another shift of sitting with dad?

Please everyone -- we all need to pray, send our best wishes, hugs, good vibes or do whatever we believe in to ask that Sharon's father be strong enough for this life saving surgery, have it and recover well.

So very sorry to hear this. Strength & grace to you.

Gin

Today I brought baskets into the hospital (filled with dozens of little party bags full of candy) for the nurses (sweets because they have been so sweet to him),...they are angels of mercy and care for my dad with love and respect...he is constantly kissing their hands and they smile with indugence, affection and joy to have such a kind, happy and loving patient...he can no longer express himself with words so he does it with kisses...
When I was leaving the hospital 2 confided that they were going to pray for him tonight but they weren't sure for what...they know how horribly difficult and painful this surgery is and he will be living in severe pain for months...they are secretly hoping that he goes quietly and does not have to endure this horror...his caregiver agrees.
What can I say or think after that?
If ever I am ill again I want to be on their service...never have I seen kinder or more generous nurses...he has 24hr care and other than one who was a bit under the weather, they are all fantastic...they make this situation bareable.
Tomorrow is the day...pray if you believe and if you don't, well, lets hope that God, in whatever form you believe he is in, has mercy on him.
I am sleepless for the 12th night in a row...my pouch must know that something is wrong because he is on his best behavior...
Sharon

I pray your father doesn't have to endure the horror the women confided to you tonight.

He came through the surgery...now for the next step...recovery...This is going to be a long, hard road for him...
Sharon

Thinking about you and your dad all the time, Sharon. xxx

Are you in the states for the duration /rehab? Maybe I missed that post....been off awhile.

Sending good thoughts your way.

Your description of the genuine love between your father and his nurses brought tears to my eyes. I'm glad you brought them a basket of sweets, they sound like the special caregivers that make all the difference in the lonely hospital. I'm glad you father has you too, Sharon. I can feel your love for him. Take care.

Good for him. I am so glad you are able to be with him to love him up close Sharon.

Day 2 post op and he is talking clearly, answering questions and smiling...I put on music and he was very happy...the man is a force of nature!
One cute little nurse told me that this was the 1st time that an over 80yr old man has ever made her blush...she had to give him a heprin shot and he took her hand and kissed it so that she wouldn't be scared to hurt him...
Its a bit shocking to see the stump...mid thigh...just enough for him to keep his balance when sitting but honestly...he is in very little pain so I am grateful...much less stressed now that it is all over.
He wasn't even in icu.
So for now I thank the doctors, nurses and the whole team...and all of you for your kind wishes.
By the way...he does have D'Heller's Danlos syndrom...part of the reason he had the stroke and the vascular problems.
Sharon

This is great news! I had it all wrong in that I thought they were going to have to remove his entire leg! (I thought at the time why all of it, dah!) Some days my brain's not working on all cylinders. Glad I was wrong. Give him a hug from me

I'm glad to hear he's doing well so far. I truly hope that continues.

Gin