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Hey guys,

My partner and I are TTC and have been actively for a few months but wanted to start mid last year but I was told I needed to have my completion proctectomy and J pouch prior to any pregnancies. So in February I had the surgery and then we started trying in May. It hasn't happened yet and even though we have only been trying a short time, I feel like its been ages and it gets to me that my body has forced us to wait until now.

I just want things to go our way for once and not have to worry about more invasive tests, more drugs, more surgeries, more appointments- you get it!

Added to that is my sister getting pregnant without trying or planning it, friends who weren't sure they wanted kids getting pregnant, everyone on social media getting pregnant- GAHH!

Anyway, just wanted to hear from others who might struggle with the mental side of things and any coping mechanisms hehe.

x

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Not quite the same thing, but I had a lot of problems ttc due to other health issues, then having to wait because I was taking 6mp for UC. It did seem like the world was pregnant, and it is very frustrating and disheartening. I wish I could give better advice than the same "it will happen, it just takes time" but I don't. Just know that there are others, though it may not seem like it, that are out there struggling or have struggled too so you are not alone in your feelings. 

Yup, I feel the same way. After two years of trying and a MC at 9 weeks I feel again that my body sucks. I'm starting IVF next month and in my two years of trying I've learned to focus on the things I have and the things I'm good at. Firstly I've learned to nurture my relationship, to cook, to care for myself and most importantly to forgive my body. I've started a gratitude journal and am thankful every day for the amazing second chance at life these surgeries have given me. I've been open about infertility to the people in my life I know will be supportive and I adopted a puppy so that I had something to nurture and care for (that coping strategy won't work for everyone !!!). I will be a mom one day, whether through IVF, adoption or fostering so for now I'm going to trust that I'm exactly where I need to be. Sorry for the long post and remember my journey might not be yours and I hope that you get pregnant shortly (it can take a healthy  couple up to a year to get pregnant).  I'm sending you so many positive vibes 

Last edited by little greeny

I am going to risk being unpopular here (not the first time) and say something that is unconventional in these circumstances...but please, Stop trying so hard and start having fun again.

Half of the women I know who are or were in your boat for various reasons jumped into complicated tests, treatments, doctors' visits and IVF...all very stressful and very costly.

Some have gone as far as  ovocite donation, going out of state or country and even getting on the adoption role only to give up when the money or nerves or love let out...to find themselves pregnant once they gave up trying!

If they had only started with a raunchy, romantic vacation with a bit too much wine and a little less worry.

We live in a day and age where we believe that fertility should be 'on demand' and that if don't get pregnant as soon as we like we go into panic mode and start running for the specialists.

You have been through so much, your body has suffered greatly and needs to heal before it can be 'optimum' for fertility so please...give both your body and mind a vacation from stress and go back to having fun.

I hope that I did not offend you, especially since I do know what it feels like but I wish that someone had been kind enough to say these words to me 35yrs ago.

Sharon

ps...I have 6 babies around me and 3 Godchildren of various ages that sprang up from parents throwing in the towel and relaxing,

There is alot to be said medically about stress in general and trying to conceive. I am also aware that having a surgery down there can create scar tissue that can affect one's ability to conceive.  A person who is trying to get pregnant should go bout your daily life, relax, not be focused on getting pregnant. Thats when there is a greater chance of pregnancy happening. I had a friend in your shoes who never had surgery. She tried for quite some time w/o success.  She was mentally frustrated to say the least. She came to the conclusion that getting pregnant wasnt for her.  Shortly after that she was pregnant. It might be helpful to know too that her husband had low count slow moving sperm.  While medical intervention was necessary for her spouse, her relaxing helped alot.

Thanks everyone,

I need to *learn* to just go with the flow and take things as they come- Little Greeny I love the idea of the journal and might start something like that for myself.

I totally agree SKN69 and Fiestymeow- its still hard to put into practise though! I am just going to appreciate all the things I can easily do 'kidfree' while I can!

Hi Megan!

I completely know how you feel! I just had this same conversation with my husband about a week ago, and I cried for hours. I'm so tired of doctor's visits, tests and procedures that I could scream. I just want to move past UC and doctors and have a happy healthy baby like everyone seems to around me.

I decide after my little breakdown that I would really try for a couple months to be happy and stop focusing so much on getting pregnant and enjoy the ride (no pun intended ). I tracked my ovulation this month and we gave it a good go. I won't know for a couple weeks.

If you ever want to connect via email, I am more than happy to do so. I know how hard it can be going through an illness, surgeries and having fertility problems. Good luck and lots of baby dust to you!!!

Hi Megan 

i went through the same struggles. My husband and I tried getting pregnant for about a year when I said something to my gyno then it was all over. Tests on end which lead to another surgery but this time A right salpingectomy. Here we were excited at trying to conceive only to be shocked to hear I had a hydrosalpinx on my right tube and it needed to be removed. After that I started with the fertility treatments with 1 tube and much less hope. The left fallopian tube is covered in scar tissue as well and slightly dialated and I was told my chances at conceiving were very slim. This was all very hard to take and something I was never prepared for when I originally had my colectomy at 17. No one told me that as a result you will most likely be infertile. My sister in law got pregnant immediately after going off the pill about halfway through my journey. And several other people I know ! Slaps in the face ! I've had a devastating roller coaster ride and gave up my job so I could start relaxing more and enjoy more out if life and finally just got pregnant through ivf and I'm currently 9 weeks. It was just as I decided with my husband that it was time for a break. Well nature intended a break for us as well and though I'm cautiously optimistic with this pregnancy I'm happy it did finally happen. Megan I can say it can be devastating painful and downright as I felt unfair! Especially after all we've been through but I believe if you learn to focus on the joys of life , your love, and reasons to start a family it helps distract you from the pain. The journey does have an end in sight ... Whatever that may be I wish you the best. And keep venting on here that's what we're here for. 

-Arpi 

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