Hi all,

It’s been about 12 months of trying for a baby and I’m not sure I should keep trying. At this rate, I’ll be 40 if I give birth. I’m not sure it’s ethical to keep trying. My primary care doctor acted like I’m a criminal (I need a new doctor, I know.)

I’m just so sad. I don’t want to put any potential child at risk. I’ve worked my career and my life around maybe having a kid, but caring for my mom and trying to pay down student debt and all kinds of things slowed me down. I feel like I messed up by waiting too long. 

And, yes, I know adoption is an option, but... well, that’s a long story. 

Anyway, can anyone give me an experience story. I’m open to opinions too. We don’t have huge amounts of cash sitting around to do expensive IVF. I just don’t know if I’m ready to grieve this yet. 

Original Post

Hi Lina:  My heart is with you because I am also at a similar crossroads. I'm not a mom (yet, fingers crossed) but I would encourage you to get all the information possible before making decisions on what path to follow.  Many women have healthy children in their late 30s and early 40s. There are so many factors for why it may not have happened over the last 12 months----I really encourage you to work with someone who can help you identify what the barrier may be.  

I think for us, individuals who have had complicated medical histories, it's really important to be connected to the right physicians to really look at the big picture.  It sounds like your doctor may not be the right one for you.   

There are also options for affordable IVF. For example, in Maryland and Virginia--there is Shady Grove fertility which has financial assistance programs and shared risk programs.  Also--they have REs that have actually worked with people with j-pouches before.  That was HUGE for me.  It helped me to really make an informed decision for myself rather than just assume I had infertility issues due to my surgery/adhesions. 

Adoption is a beautiful thing and I whole heartedly support it and admire those who take this route.  I know for me, I really wanted to make sure I had all the information possible to make the best decision and not have regrets later.

I wish you all the best.

 

 

 

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