Another painful sex question

I had pain for a long time and just worked through it. Kept asked my OB/GYN and said everything looks good. Asked next appointment and she pressed on area and said is this where it hurts. YES! The pain is just when going in. I finally had to tell my husband became too painful. There is a name for it (sorry I can not remember) and any woman can experience. I was prescribed Premarin.  Think it has to do with the thinning of the skin in that area.  Taking a deep breath before helps the pain. Unfortunately for me it has been one trial or another when it comes to sex.  Definitely need an understanding spouse.

I have never had sex but I read and was told that after the rectum comes out, sex can be painful because the rectum supports the vagina, especially during sex. Since the rectum is not there anymore, there is not much support. A lot of women have had the same problem you are having. Some go to pelvic floor therapy and others try different positions. You just gotta find what works for you, it might get better over time though.

That sounds like it could be true but I had never had sex before the j-pouch age 20. It never hurt until about the last ten years so for me I would chalk it up to what a lot of women experience getting older.  It could possibly happen sooner if like me there has been a lot of irritation in that area due to complications with the skin because of what goes along with having a j-pouch or at least my experiences.

@kk posted:

That sounds like it could be true but I had never had sex before the j-pouch age 20. It never hurt until about the last ten years so for me I would chalk it up to what a lot of women experience getting older.  It could possibly happen sooner if like me there has been a lot of irritation in that area due to complications with the skin because of what goes along with having a j-pouch or at least my experiences.

Yeah, I agree. The bright side is, at least were okay.

Hi Ladies, 

I have a K pouch and total proctocolectomy, had it done when I was 18 so I had pretty much no experience prior to it. I've had quite a few revisions too.

I learned a few things over the years.

Firstly, fear is a major game-changer, it stresses you out and makes the pain worse. It destroys even the slightest chance for spontaneous enjoyment.

Next, our biology no longer resembles that of other women. So we need tricks.

Sometimes it is a position thing, you may need to try putting pillows under you to raise your butt up higher and change the 'trajectory'.

Sometimes you need to relax and others, pain means that something is not right.

Lube helps,  so does a glass of wine or a relaxing bath. You need to re-learn your biology. Take time to rediscover what does and does not work for you. Make sure that your partner knows that he has to start all over again too, pretend that you have never done this before with him...play games, try to 'not have sex' but everything else on your personal menu. See if you can enjoy yourself that way first and then change the game...until you feel comfortable.

Sex is supposed to be fun, enjoyable and a wonderful part of life, if you are suffering then it isn't...So take your time, do not rush it and play games until you find a new comfort zone.

Sharon