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Hi Everyone –

This might be me misinterpreting posts or being overly sensitive to language or something, but since this is the “rave and rant” section, here we go…

It’s been some time since I was last on the board and I’m noticing some concerning posts about folks posting out of their alleged, perceived, or believed demographic.

Here’s the thing, everyone’s thoughts are valid and can be of help. If someone wants to toss their two cents into a discussion that they don’t necessarily fit into perfectly, that is still a great thing. As long as they do it tactfully and respectfully. I don’t believe anyone should be considered to be “in the wrong place”, nor should anyone be afraid to offer thoughts.

Ladies, if you have a thought on men’s health as related to the J-Pouch, awesome. Same for guys on ladies health issues as related to the J-Pouch. Straight guys your thoughts on whether to or not to engage in receptive anal sex after J-Pouch can be just as important as those coming from another gay guy.

Bottom line is that we’re all here to help each other and I believe we can do that tactfully and respectfully whether or not we fit neatly into a given conversations set of demographics.

Just had to vent.

lots of love, Tovia

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Tovia, this is concerning. As a moderator I need to know where there are inappropriate comments. I have no idea if you are being overly sensitive or if others are being overly insensitive. I have gotten notices from women who felt sort of “creeped out” when men comment on the women’s health board. Perhaps that was sensitivity on their part and it is a public forum. Often, these are very private issues that women have hard time discussing. I have seen no complaints regarding the men’s health forum.

I am also aware of some conflicts regarding input from members with zero experience or expertise appearing to want to help, with the opposite result. I consider this mostly personality conflicts, but I do intervene when it turns into a flame war. Generally, these people just need to avoid each other.

Still, if you see posts you find alarming or inappropriate, please report the reply or send me a private message about it. This whole site is about support and information, not cliques and “territory.”




Sorry to say, but it happens. On all boards, in all groups. Goodness knows that it shouldn't, that we should be kinder or more sensitive to other peoples' emotions and emotional health but sometimes we slip-up or overstep.

I know that at times I have shown insensitivity without realizing it and I have apologized. It is just that some of us have had 'an experience' with something and we think that it can help someone else. Sometimes, we are, sadly, wrong and it has the opposite effect.

There have been 1 or 2 trolls over the years. But our precious moderators have thankfully, put pay to them and removed them from the site.

On occasion, you can say something to someone and they will take it wonderfully and yet you say the same thing to someone else and they consider it insulting or worse.

I have learned to reread everything that I write, 3xs, before posting it, asking myself if my words are helpful or hurtful and how they could be misinterpreted.

It is sad, but maybe I needed to learn a lesson too.

So please, do not judge us too harshly. We try hard. We are all, mostly, here to help.


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