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Wits end.

I've had another bad week.
One.. Two good days.
I work outside in TX.  103 degrees.
I have tried everything.
I do not have pouchitis or diff.
Pouch is fine but won't work.
Keeping this simple.
I am at my wits end.
I get home from work and am so tore up down there from going I just go to bed to escape the pain and all that.
I thought I had it under control.  Nope.   Don't. 
Example.  And this will go on for hours at work.
It starts with the urge to go. 
I operate a fork lift loading and unloading trailers for a large national company.
I will have an urge go to the bathroom and little comes out by the time I get there.  I swear as soon as I get back out in the heat and sit down on the lift truck the urge comes back.  I go back in to the bathroom but on my way I can feel it gurgle and move so by the time I get in there very little comes out. 
This goes on for hours.  Everyday!
I had one day Tuesday I blew everything out in a five hour period.  My goodness it felt like I drank a bottle of Tabasco sauce.  Serious.
Wednesday I didn't go all day at work.  Not once.
Thursday and Friday it was back and forth all night.
I am so tore up down there it's like a foreign planet.
I don't know how long I can do this before I go insane.
I quit eating all sugars.
All I eat is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ground Hamburg.  Tator tots and gravy.  I drink naturally sweet juice.
And a sausage croissant with half an egg.  That's it.  I did have pork ribs.  I drink water all..... All the time... Nothing else but a bit of juice.  This is my life now.
I think it is worse. Now... After surgery.  I don't want a bag.  I don't want surgery again. 
I am losing weight again.  Lost 50 to begin with gained 20 back and have lost ten of that in the past couple months.
I know... I need to see the surgeon.  Be scoped.  But I know everything is ok.  There is no bleeding.  It would be a waste of time.
Even if I can go I have to push every time.  There are times it just comes out.  90 percent of the time I have to push and hard.  I will eventually herniate  myself. My whole gut are hurts from it.  I am so tired of pushing.
OK.  I vented. 
I am just exhausted from this.
At a minimum... Thank you for just reading and listening.
I know the only thing that will cure me is a bag.
And sometimes while going through this I think how much easier it would be because it would just go in a bag and I wouldn't even feel it. I had a bag for a short while.  Didn't like  it of course.  But it was easier to just let it go in there.  But I also know that has its problems.
I will quit rambling.  Because I could go on.
And most of this will not make any sense.
Thanks again for the listen.
Last edited by Mysticobra
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