I've had another bad week.
One.. Two good days.
I work outside in TX. 103 degrees.
I have tried everything.
I do not have pouchitis or diff.
Pouch is fine but won't work.
Keeping this simple.
I am at my wits end.
I get home from work and am so tore up down there from going I just go to bed to escape the pain and all that.
I thought I had it under control. Nope. Don't.
Example. And this will go on for hours at work.
It starts with the urge to go.
I operate a fork lift loading and unloading trailers for a large national company.
I will have an urge go to the bathroom and little comes out by the time I get there. I swear as soon as I get back out in the heat and sit down on the lift truck the urge comes back. I go back in to the bathroom but on my way I can feel it gurgle and move so by the time I get in there very little comes out.
This goes on for hours. Everyday!
I had one day Tuesday I blew everything out in a five hour period. My goodness it felt like I drank a bottle of Tabasco sauce. Serious.
Wednesday I didn't go all day at work. Not once.
Thursday and Friday it was back and forth all night.
I am so tore up down there it's like a foreign planet.
I don't know how long I can do this before I go insane.
I quit eating all sugars.
All I eat is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ground Hamburg. Tator tots and gravy. I drink naturally sweet juice.
And a sausage croissant with half an egg. That's it. I did have pork ribs. I drink water all..... All the time... Nothing else but a bit of juice. This is my life now.
I think it is worse. Now... After surgery. I don't want a bag. I don't want surgery again.
I am losing weight again. Lost 50 to begin with gained 20 back and have lost ten of that in the past couple months.
I know... I need to see the surgeon. Be scoped. But I know everything is ok. There is no bleeding. It would be a waste of time.
Even if I can go I have to push every time. There are times it just comes out. 90 percent of the time I have to push and hard. I will eventually herniate myself. My whole gut are hurts from it. I am so tired of pushing.
OK. I vented.
I am just exhausted from this.
At a minimum... Thank you for just reading and listening.
I know the only thing that will cure me is a bag.
And sometimes while going through this I think how much easier it would be because it would just go in a bag and I wouldn't even feel it. I had a bag for a short while. Didn't like it of course. But it was easier to just let it go in there. But I also know that has its problems.
I will quit rambling. Because I could go on.
And most of this will not make any sense.
Thanks again for the listen.