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This is a rant...a loud and noisy one. 

For those of you who know me, who have followed some of my posts or for whom I have been lucky enough to answer and maybe given a kind or informative response to, you may have noticed my sudden absence. 

I claimed that it was work, but that was not true. I claimed that I was busy, but that was not true either. 

I was hiding. I was in pain and hurting.

This site has given me so much love and help. It has allowed me to survive in my blackest moments. It (and all of you) have given me the courage to fight the good fight and the best advice that anyone could give...When no one else was giving me any at all. 

I have been a member of this site since the early 2000's, going through hell and back with only you to talk to in the wee hours of the night when the pain and terror were my only companions. 

I thought of you all as a family, my family.

But a few months back, I got attacked by a newbie on the site. I was not just criticized but fustigated. I was accused of being mean, a troll, of not really having a k pouch at all, of pretending to be 'one of us', of lying quite simply about who and what I am...they even attacked the fact that I live in Paris, as if living in Paris is any better or worse than living anywhere else. 

I received nasty PMs that went on for pages. accusing, criticizing, and basically telling me to get off of this site, that I do not belong here, that I do not understand anyone or what they have or are suffering. 

I tried to be diplomatic, kind, and understanding. I even pretended that it didn't hurt and that I did not care.

But I do and did. So, I went away and hid.

And cried a lot. 

I cannot live in fear of criticism. I cannot pretend that I do not need all of you. 

So, I have come back, if you will allow me to...



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