You may want to look up Dr. Zane Cohen in Toronto for a second opinion. I do not know to what extent he is still in practice, but he might recommend a doctor in Canada who could help you. In the event that a pouch redo is not an option, there are two procedures that do not require an external bag: the K pouch and the BCIR. There is a lot of information about them on the internet. The button hole size stoma is placed lower than that for a conventional ileostomy and is covered with a small absorbent dressing. It makes things much easier in a dating or relationship situation. I too was scared s*#@less about dating when faced with the possibility of having an ileostomy, but fortunately now have a BCIR and fabulous wife.