@skn69 posted:Lauren,
People only see the outside of a couple, their 'public façade' but not what goes on behind doors. My husband is a suit & tie, critical, demanding, perfectionist (an Architect by nature), on time, and sees the world in black & white.
My friends hate rules, lunch times, and regulations. They see the world in colors and like to sleep in and stay out late, don't mind showing up 2hrs late for lunch etc.
The 2 are like oil and water. They find him stiff and strict, he finds them rude and undisciplined.
But I can't live with someone who is irresponsible, spends everything, saves nothing...I need someone who obeys the rules. My health means I have to plan everything 3 steps ahead, weeks in advance. I cannot go camping or suddenly run away for the weekend to a cottage without a bathroom.
So, I see my friends on my own or as couples...those that love me understand him...he needs rules to feel safe. He needs a nest egg not a Rollex or Mercedes. I need a man like him. I'm happy with a cheap car but enough money to pay for my surgeries. That is security to me.
You learn to understand that not everyone mixes and plays well together. You cannot change them so you learn to see them separately.
Years have gone by and he has mellowed. He holds my hand and cries when they wheel me into O.R. Freaks out when the doctors take too long but brings chocolates to all of the nurses the next day to apologize. He changes sheets and does the laundry, washes my hair, and dresses me when I cannot...
Marriage is a learning curve and requires a lot of patience. I am happy that we stuck it out, it wasn't easy but we survived the hard parts (12 surgeries in 8 yrs then he had a heart attack!)
Only you know...really know what you need. Do not allow anyone to tell you how to live your marriage!
Thank-you for explaining all of that. As long as you are happy, that is all that matters! I am sorry about your husband's heart attack, is he okay?