Athena, l love your name....don't know if it is yours or just your handle but it is so beautiful.
Yes, we think that parents are supposed to be there to support us no matter what but it just is not the case; They are there to bring us into the world and feed & water us... no one ever told them that support was part of the deal...At least ours.
Parents are not experts. They did not get diplomas in parenting. They wing it from start to finish. And they do their best no matter how limited that best is.
My mom was an R.N and surgical to boot...she specialized in guts...so she should have known better but...she hated defects, a chip in a $500 cristal plate? It went straight to the garbage...an ostomy was a visible defect and she couldn't stand it...it was her personality...nothing else...she could not handle defects and could not get past it...life needed to be perfect, she needed to be perfect (she got pretty close) and if I could not be perfect she would have preferred me dead...it would have given her the role of martyr that she craved...mom would buy me 'sexy' nightgowns for the hospital, put perfume and makeup on me post-op so that I would be 'more attractive' to the doctors...she felt that it was the best way to get good treatment...was she nuts? No, it was just the way that she was built.
Many of us have or had imperfect parents and friends. They ask the wrong questions or give the wrong advice or shun the details...you cannot blame them because they do not know. They do not understand because it is not happening to them. Humans learn from experience and if they do not experience it then they cannot feel it...
My best friend's parents ended up in ICU due to covid...her mom survived but her dad didn't...for the 7 days of mourning with her sisters & mom still hospitalized I sent meals to the house. It is what we do...she was overwhelmed by gratitude. I find it just a normal gesture between loved ones.
Afterward, she said that she was embarrassed that she had never sent meals to me when my parents died. I explained that she didn't 'know'. She hadn't experienced it so she couldn't understand it. It just is.
It is like being angry at someone who is colorblind for not seeing colors...treat them like children, explain...but if they do not wish to hear or listen then relegate them to a corner for a 'time out'! (it could be weeks or months!)
They may never learn and that is fine...if or when they become toxic cut them off...I have had to with certain people and have never regretted it.
Good luck in your journeys, all of you...make the choices that are best for you, your bodies and your health...and fight for what you believe in, no matter what.
Sharon