Seems you went through hell and it's good to vent.
I only went through 1/10 of what you went through in a short period and I did give up. But my body wouldn't let me go. My mind wanted me to go. So I know partially what you are going through. Partially
I can't give any advice. Except to be strong and hopefully you'll come out in the right side like I did. It's a terrible feeling of defeat. But my answer was where you are.
Get the end ileo and all will be ok Fortunately for me by doing that it ended all my pain and problems. I did say fortunately. But I didn't go into it thiking that way. I was going in thinkin the worst. I do mean that. I fought it in my mind up to the point on the table going into surgery. I didn't want to go through all that pain again. But it was either that or die a slow death which is what I was in the process of doing.
I feel for you. Just don't give up.