I feel like I settled. I saw my life ending and I plopped down with the first group of friends that accepted me, despite the fact that they haven't been very good friends, I'm still in touch with all of them. They weren't and aren't intellectually stimulating, and now I feel myself getting dumber. I used to love English, but I don't write anymore, I don't read anymore, I barely even get to use big words because my friends and fiance don't understand them. I want to have stimulating conversation in my life, not just get drunk and high and ridiculous every time I want to relax or have a good time. I don't have to explain to you guys how hard it is to make new friends, but is the fear of what could go wrong keeping me from enjoying my life authentically?
I'm too different a person than I was almost ten years ago when I was first diagnosed, but I don't know how much I've grown. I've just changed, and it's very unfulfilling. I'm working on getting in touch with a support group, in the meantime I'm reaching out here.
Have any of you guys felt that your life now is just unrecognizable? Like, how did you get here? Where do you go from here? How the hell are you supposed to get your feet on the ground when everything around you is up in the air?
Feeling lost, Thanks for reading if you stuck with it, I know I'm kind of all over the place here. I would appreciate any words of comfort or wisdom from the people who actually know (somewhat) of what I'm dealing with firsthand.
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