Goodness me, you have my unreserved sympathy and understanding. The pain and suffering a human being can stand, and does stand, totally outweighs the short term suffering of a terminal illness. We are condemned but still live. But I have found that somehow all this carves a empty shape within us that fills with compassion for the suffering of others. Some call it karma - bad of course - others just the way the cookie crumbles. But I can absolutely empathise with your pain, frustration, hope and disappointment at the unfeeling attitude of some surgeons. These are technical folk insulated from the inevitable resonance of their patient's pain. We are all connected by sight touch, hearing and by emotion, a phenomenon called clairsentience in which sensitive people resonate with the emotions of others near them. Only those insulated from their receptivity can become emotionally and empathetically insular. Pity them, for they suffer too!