Warning..straight gay speak..read at risk of getting a boner lol
Thanks for your reply! The liver transplant was much earlier in life and not bottoming related. But the bowel burst was a terrifying and painful experience on its own. Yeah I enjoy each day as a gift 
I hope I did not awaken any feelings of regrets in what I wrote..i was just speaking from my heart. Being in a open relationship we have friends that in the past we have enjoyed mind blowing orgies with (all being vers and adventurous lol..) Now it feels like I have a disability...and I wants it so bad!! If my bf was smaller it might be safe but yeah he is scared off from my end zone.. I am also finding sometimes my front loading zone doest want to hoist..i am on a lot of meds so...Anyway once again my bf is amazing and keeps me feeling good despite whatever situation Have a great day.
PS Thanks for being there for me to share with. Cheers!
PSS Being fingered can be mind blowing as well.. having your bf practice and vary methods while you fantasize about him making deep hard passionate love to you may help you cope
--D