Reply to "The Gay Guy Chronicles: Sex, Dating, and Life with a J-Pouch"

N Fos,

Thank you for sharing your perspective, particularly as a straight woman, as I'm sure there are many others in the same boat as we are who can benefit from our experiences and advice.

Your story is really inspiring, considering you are able to actually integrate anal into your sex routine, (within reason) and still enjoy it.  I am honestly shocked that you are able to do so- I will keep that in mind for the future.  Working slowly is key, sounds like.

I really really appreciate your contribution to the conversation, because the more information we can get on this, the better! 

On a separate note, since the post (which was back in March of last year) my life has taken quite a drastic turn..for the better! 

In May 2018 I met someone, and began dating him, and over the course of the past 9 months, we've fallen for each other and got engaged on my birthday at the end of last year! Now I say this not to brag or boast, because that, quite frankly, is not in my nature.  However, I say that to give you some background and insight to who my partner is.. He is a gay guy, who considered himself versatile, enjoying both bottom and topping.  On the very first night that we had a date, I was honest with him, and opened up about my past medical history, my situation with visiting the bathroom alot, and getting up throughout the nights during sleep. But for me, most importantly, if I was going to building anything of value with this guy, I had to speak frankly about my abilities (rather inabilities) sexually, and just tell him what it was that I could and could not do. So, I broke down over dinner, tears were flying (and I'm no drama queen so it was coming from a deep routed place in my heart of honesty), etc. However, through opening up, he actually received my message with openness and a spirit of rather than seeing my inability to bottom as something that was  a negative, he just saw it as something about who I am, and that it is by no means everything or all consuming.  When it comes to really deeply connecting with someone, you learn that sex is truly a way of communicating your love for one another- and I had actually placed a TON of unnecessary expectations on myself and my body, to perform in a way that I anatomically was not designed to do.  Therefore, once I let all that go, we were able to move forward building on integrity, and grounding  our relationship on solid reality rather than unrealistic expectations.

It sounds cliche, but its true, when you meet the right person, it doesn't matter what you think you can and can't do, because what truly matters is the love energy that you create, nurture, and return to one another if the connection is sincere.  I'm fortunate to have been able to find my soul mate in this lifetime, and every night before I go to bed, I thank the universe/god/my lucky stars/etc.  that I have found the one for me.

Now on a sexual note, the chemistry has never been better! Even with him being 'versatile' he is a pleaser personality, which is to my benefit! He is happy not topping another guy, and we've found a few creative ways to have some fun here and there that makes us both happy. 

So believe it or not, this story has a happy this chapter anyway. I know this is just the first of many chapters, in my book of life, but when you have someone to love, it actually makes life worth living again, and I haven't felt this good since before I was diagnosed with UC, and to those of you who have been in the same boat I have, and actually remember a life BEFORE you were sick all the time, you probably reminisce about those days of not having to take meds, or worry about being sick, or the next hospital visit/procedure/etc.  That is something my partner has given me, which he says was inside me all along, that I just needed someone   to help bring it out- okay, I know this story is now dripping with cheesiness, but its true!

So, Here's to everyone finding someone or something that makes them feel love, and happiness, despite any physical illness or obstacle we face. Because at the end of the day, "the greatest gift of life is to know love"- Quoted from one of my favorite musical duos, Indigo Girls, Song- 'All That We Let In'.



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