I've made a list of every suggestion and what you've all told me you use to help. I plan to try and gather these things and hope to make a difference. I finally got in touch with the doctors, though I only managed this because my therapist went to the hospital and made some noise for me. Was up all night again and not feeling good. Simply cannot handle food. But I'm booked in for some scans on Thursday and bloodwork today. I hope that they find a way to help what's happening. I will let you know if anything comes of it. Thank you all again for your kindness and advice.
I'm not sure how I feel about moving forward yet. I bounce back and forth about trying and simply giving up. To feel like this is the beginning of my road is frankly deeply depressing, as it's been years of misery to get to the start line. I think if I could string a few good days together it would help.
I will try my best to make ground with what you've all given me. But it's always on my mind to stop my life and have it be over. I just can't seem to get away from that thought. I am sorry to appear such a whiney complainer, and I certainly don't think I'm the most troubled person on the room. I used to be a happy go lucky upbeat person full of happiness. I'm angry at myself for things I think and say. I hate feeling this way.
I really am grateful for your kindness