Updates would be great! Hopefully you can find a way to re-find that happy-go-lucky self that still is inside you somewhere. Anger and depression are all a part of the grieving process, and all of us had a part of us removed. Can't we grieve our dead colons? I have always had a part of me that is furious with myself for being sick, weak, malfunctioning, etc. One thing that I forget is that this is not my fault. Sometimes it feels better to blame ourselves because if it's our fault at least that implies we have some control. We don't and it's maddening. But we can help ourselves heal. Maybe try to just to treat yourself with extreme gentleness and care, like you would treat a sick friend. I'm sure you've heard this all before...I'm saying it now because revisiting these ideas helps me when I'm feeling like total shit.