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So down about future

Had j pouch 15 years ago. No problems until the last 2years had 2 cases of pouchitus. Go to cleveland clinic now. Lost all control went to cleveland clinic was told my pouch has become sensitive due to what ever and has spasms and when i do i have pain and i loose control. Put me onopium/belladonna and that helped but cant drive or work and hat the feeling it gives me. I keep trying to stop and i am good for a couple days and than spasms back so back on opium/belladonna. So if spasms loose control cant work and when i go on opium/belladonna cant drive or work. Is this my future? Im 52 and see my future as sad. Cant seem to find happyness and peace anymore. Have great support with family but am so unhappy when i think about my future. Im angry sad and just want to find some peace but feel i lost it. Having really bad day and just want to go to bed and cry. Yes i am on antidepressent. I just give up today.
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