I had uc for a very long time too. Most of my life. Didn't know what it was till I was 40....pushing 60 now. Had the surgery at 58. Worst experience in my life. 9 months of hell. Now.... I consider myself a strong person. I am male. But I never skipped Dr appointments or things like that. Not the typical male that won't see a Dr cause of rectal exams. I know how important they are. But... At this point right now.... I wish I would have not done it. They are both equal in problems.
This surgery has taken more than I would have ever imagined it could have taken from me. Mentally and physically. It is no picnic. I am close to two years out and still am having problems and I think I always will. I have tried to be strong but this just knocks you in he dirt. The only difference is I have not had a divorce. But I don't know how she puts up with me. Today is my 37th anniversary. She has serious problems of her own so it's a double whammy. She is such a strong woman. I used to be that way. It went with my colon. But... I keep fighting this and I won't stop.
It must be tough losing what you have lost. I don't know what to say about that. I don't know what I would do if my wife left. I would be devastated. And if that happened would be alone the rest of my life. No one would put up with me. This disease brings out alot of anger. I know. I feel anger alot and have to hold it in. That takes a toll to.
I can say the SOS you have heard before but it won't do any good.
I will say you are no alone. There are some of us who feel the same way. Depression. That you have to fight. Once it gets a grip it's almost impossible to get rid of it. I feel it edging in everyday. I fight it.
You are no alone. At least in your fight. I am fighting it too.