Reply to "so depressed & confused"

I had uc for a very long time too.  Most of my life.  Didn't know what it was till I was  40....pushing 60 now.  Had the surgery at 58. Worst experience in my life.  9 months of hell.  Now....  I consider myself a strong person.  I am male.  But I never skipped Dr appointments  or things like that.  Not the typical male that won't see a Dr cause of rectal exams.  I know how important they are.  But... At this point right now.... I wish I would have not done it.  They are both equal in problems.
This surgery has taken more than I would have ever imagined it could have taken from me.  Mentally and physically.  It is no picnic.  I am close to two years out and still am having problems and I think I always will.  I have tried to be strong but this just knocks you in he dirt.  The only difference is I have not had a divorce.  But I don't know how she puts up with me.  Today is my 37th anniversary.  She has serious problems of her own so it's a double whammy.  She is such a strong woman.  I used to be that way.  It went with my colon.  But... I keep fighting this and I won't stop. 
It must be tough losing what you have lost.  I don't know what to say about that. I don't know what I would do if my wife left.   I would be devastated.  And if that happened  would be alone the rest of my life.  No one would put up with me.  This disease brings out alot of anger.  I know.  I feel anger alot and have to hold it  in.  That takes a toll to.
I can say the SOS you have heard before but it won't do any good.
I will say you are no  alone.  There are some of us who feel the same way.  Depression.  That you have to fight.  Once it gets a grip it's almost impossible to get rid of it.  I feel it edging in everyday.  I fight it.
You are no  alone.  At least in your fight.  I am fighting it too.
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