J pouches don’t work out for everyone, but there are options available other than a conventional ileostomy. The two options that do not require having an external bag are the BCIR and the K pouch.
These two options, which function in the same way, have an internal pouch and valve constructed out of a short piece of the small intestine and a button hole size stoma located low on the abdomen. The pouch is drained with a small plastic catheter 3-5 times a day at the person’s convenience. There is no leakage of stool or gas and the stoma is inconspicuously covered with a small absorbent dressing. The annual supply cost can be under $100 vs well over $1,000 for an ileostomy.
I encourage your son to research his options before making a final decision. A good web site to visit is the Quality Life Association’s (www.qla-ostomy.org) that contains information about continent ileostomies, an article entitled, “Researching My Options” (which I wrote) and a list of doctors who perform these surgeries. Please feel free to send me a PM with a any questions that you have.