Hi, Christopher. Welcome to the group.
To your first question, yes, it is normal for your new system to be very active day and night, and especially after eating. After you eat, your stomach has to make room for new food that's coming down, and any previous waste will enter your pouch looking for an exit. Your sphincter muscles will learn how to hold on as time goes on. It's also normal to hear grumbling and rumbling. It's gas or food moving through, more quickly than when your colon could hold everything for 12 hours or so. Your pouch is much, much smaller than a four foot long colon so it will feel the need to empty often. My first few weeks I had such frequency, every 15 minutes. This was very worrying because I feared that was my new life. It wasn't. After almost a year my new pouch matured and learned how to live its new life as a "colon". Be patient, try not to worry. These first few months might bring a new issue every day. It's your system trying to adjust and recover from a major surgery. Your body is trying to learn how to operate without a colon, and your new j pouch is learning what to do with food waste that drops into it, and how to let it come out. Right now, it does not want anything in there because it's original purpose was a small intestine. Now it finds out it has to be your "colon" or pouch. Your food choices will be important. Avoid sugars and simple carbs, fibrous foods, nuts, seeds, spicy or acidic foods. Pasta, rice, potatoes, fish, chicken, soft vegetables might help you.
Your second concern: the flap of skin sounds like you might have a skin tag back there. What did your doctor say it was? Every time you have a bowel movement the skin tag is in contact with (acidic) stool. Do you have a plastic bidet squeeze bottle? You can find one in a store selling home health equipment, or on Amazon. Use it to clean the area of stool residue. Fill it with warm water and use it after every BM to rinse the area and pat gently with toilet paper. Do not wipe or rub. If calmoseptine is too strong (it's the menthol) try gentle Zincofax, which is how babies' diaper rash is healed and soothed. Buy a small jar and see how it works for you. Try not to worry. It is still very early for you. Give it at least a year.