Skip to main content

Reply to "Passing on the gene"


As a child and early teen, I had a lot of surgeries and tests. Hours on end of x-rays and what amounted to radiation treatment between age then I was freaked out seeing all of the nurses and techs running behind walls and putting on lead aprons and shields while I was flat on the table practically naked and being bombarded. 

I asked to see an ob-gyn, something that shocked them all. I was frightened for my fertility. (yup, at 12...I was that kind of kid).

She was kind and generous towards me, took my fears seriously, asked me questions and shot straight answers...' do you believe in abortion? (the word termination was not used then)' Yes, I said, if needed. 'Good, because you have a very strong chance of having major congenital deformations in your children. You will probably have to abort most times but maybe you will be able to have one.' then she asked me how I felt about adoption. 

I went on a campaign for adoption rights and termination rights (didn't know the word pro-choice) in high school. Tried to find out different ways to have a baby (face it, there are only a few!) (and even tried to adopt my best friend's baby at age 18, the same month that I had my K pouch done because she gave it up! My parents wouldn't let me and I knew it would be my only chance.)

In the end, the choice was taken out of my hands. My mom had taken DES and with all of the surgeries, I could conceive but never carry past 4 months...lost more than I care to remember.

What my dad and doctors taught me was that life is precious but not always life at all costs. The emotional and mental cost of having a severely mentally and physically handicapped child is not measured in dollars but tears. And anger and frustration...And pain...for both of you.

So a mother must be allowed to decide if she wants a child of her own genes, someone else's, to carry herself or through another, etc...

This is the most important choice of a lifetime for both people involved.

P.S. Your mom rocks!!!!


Copyright © 2019 The J-Pouch Group. All rights reserved.