Reply to "Passing on the gene"

Girls, I am so, so sorry...

I do not have FAP, it is in my family, I lost 2 uncles to it, plus other family memebers to an assortment of other cancers. 

I got none of those. 

I got Vaginal cancer (not cervical!) due to my mom taking DES while pregnant. 

I ended up with my k pouch from a mix of a genetic disease (Ehler's Danlos), the side effects of DES and a bouquet of congenital birth defects (VATERS) that included anal atresia (I didn't even know the correct name for it until a few years ago...They called it 'unperforated anus that was perforated'!  

I had my colostomy at age 2 after a 1/2dz failed surgeries. 

So...would I have had kids if I could have? Hell yes! I tried, and tried and tried. And cried even more than I tried. I saw specialists, had surgeries, took treatments that were contradictory for someone with vaginal cancer, got pregnant and lost 6 at the end of the 1st trimester almost every time (thank you DES!  

And still, I kept trying. I was born a mom, grew up believing that I would have 6 kids and be the best mom on the planet. Tried and failed and nearly killed myself trying and I regret nothing except the fact that I never managed to carry to term. 

It would have put my k pouch at risk, surely, it would have compromised my already severely compromised body for sure but I would have suffered it all in a blink if I could have gone to term.

In the end, I had another dozen surgeries for k pouch problems, rejections, falling pouches, hernias and occlusion after, not having the babies did not stop me from getting sicker or having more surgeries. It just made it sadder.

I am now way past the question...married to a man who already had kids that although are not mine, have made me a 'real' grandmother. 

You find a way to 'mother', no matter what, when you need to. 

I had one of my 13 God-kids along with the rest of my extended family, over for dinner last night...he loves me like a mom and I feel like I am one when he is around. 

Did I mention that I am a university teacher too and coach kids? 

God (or modern medicine) did not find a way to give me kids so I found my own way...

From what I have heard from all of my girlfriends...I am the lucky one. 

Someone on this site once said to me that you do not have to carry a child in your body to become a mom...

Choose the kind of mom that you want to be, and be it...the kids will follow. 


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