Sorry you seem to have been dealt a terrible hand. I haven't had all the surgery you have had, but I understand the biologic merry-go-round. I also have not had the side effects, and I do consider myself lucky for that.
My arthritis responded reasonably well to Cimzia, but pouchitis persisted. There's also Simponi and Entyvio before you throw in the towel and talk about ileostomy. But, if you have to go there, understand that an end ileostomy is much easier maintenance-wise, as compared to a loop ileostomy. We have quite a few members in that category and are doing well.
As for uncaring docs go, they don't hand out personality in med school. It is an inate ability. More than likely, they care more than you know. Believe it or not, they get frustrated too when their best ideas don't work. They feel like a failure. So, for self presrrvation, they practice detachment and aloofness. The net result is sort of a cool demeanor that seems uncaring. If you find a doc who is both a skilled practitioner and someone you can build a rapport with, you have found GOLD!
Jan 