A well-functioning J-pouch will average 4-6 poops per day, with zero accidents and no urgency. It does sound like you need a better-informed gastroenterologist.
Medications for J-pouchers who aren’t ill (e.g. with pouchitis or cuffitis) can include soluble fiber (like psyllium/Metamucil) and a bowel slower (like Imodium or Lomotil). People vary in how much/little of these serves them best. If you do have pouchitis, which sounds quite possible, a short course of Cipro or Flagyl often clears it right up. Have you had a pouchoscopy? A good gastroenterologist will want to take a look, perhaps yearly or perhaps less frequently, depending on your history.
Good luck!