I understand having a different idea than others about why certain things happen and what helps get through the rough spots. I try to take other peoples opinions and religious sights when I give advice. As most people are christian and believe their god give them only what they can handle, this is why I said this. I mean no offense. I am of other beliefs but find no comfort in my beliefs during all these trials. I hope you have more comfort than I do in your faith. Things will eventually get better for us all we just need to push through the hard parts to get to the brighter sides of life again.
My child is the biggest help I have found in all these issues. She is the only thing that helps me push through until I feel better between the bouts. She smiles and the sun shines through the dark and dreary clouds. I hope you find something that will help you through. Remember when you are going through pain that we have been there and we want to help you as much as we can. If you ever need someone to talk to more specifically please feel free to pm me and I will give you easier access to me. Having a friend who understand what you will go through does help. My younger sister went through everything five years before me and I wish she were around more for helping me to push through but she has decided to take herself out of my life and take away the only person who I know that understands the j-pouch and all the possible outcomes. I would love to have someone else to talk to and to mull things over with.
Good luck and do not feel you have to be strong for everyone around you. When you feel you can not handle anymore of being the strength for your mom or anyone else please feel free to contact me. I will be here for anything and everything I can. Do not be afraid to tell your mother you need her to be your strength for a little while and that you are afraid. I was terrified when the surgeries were coming up. The only person I had was someone who hated me and yet she put her hatred and fear of what would happen to her brother aside for me and was my strength. You are going through a lot and it came out of no where and it is expected that you need to break down from time to time just as a way to relieve the stress even.
It sucks that your family went through all that with your brother and now you all have to deal with this.