@Sara14 You are wise to think through how the logistics can be managed. Although I traveled a substantial distance (plane ride) for my surgery, I had a fantastic support system in both locations, and I chose a somewhat riskier single-stage procedure so I’d likely only have to make the trip once. I’m not sure what I would have done in the absence of that support system, but I know the prospect of surgery far from home would have seemed grim under those circumstances.
One option you could consider is to break this up into manageable, smaller things. In the short run it sounds like getting off steroids is most immediate medical need, so a subtotal colectomy (leaving enough rectum for a future J-pouch) with an end ileostomy would probably accomplish that, leaving you plenty of time and choices going forward. Some people here have stayed that way for years before deciding to proceed with J-pouch construction.
There is an array of strongly held opinions expressed here, as you’ve noted, but only some of them will be useful to your circumstances and preferences. No one can reliably predict what your tolerance will be for (for example) marathoning, whether the obstacle is hydration or steroid-induced bone damage, and opinions about it are often unhelpful.
However you choose to proceed, I hope you have great success!