This is hard for me to admit but I am still suffering from some sort of PTSD.
Hubby says that I am obsessed with medical programs (Grey's Anatomy, Dr House, all medical documentaries...) and that I only feel happy or comfortable or at ease in a medical environment.
He isn't wrong.
My dad watched WWll documentaries his whole life to the point of obsession...When I asked him why he said that he was 'looking for himself'.
I don't think that he was actually looking to see himself as a kid in a concentration camp but looking for his childhood, something familiar...the life that he was living did not resemble what he understood as a kid.
That is how I feel. My life does not jibe with my childhood. I grew up in hospitals. That is where I feel...safe.
My mom was a nurse. I helped her study for her exams when she had to have her diplomas re-validated. I read Grey's Anatomy and the Merric manuel from end to end. That is what I understand. Not the hobbit.
Hubby can no longer stand my Dr House marathons etc so I stay up late to watch them when he goes to bed.
Am I the only one? I feel like no one can understand me unless they have lived through what I have. And no one here has so I feel lost and lonely.
Is this PTSD?
Wow that makes me feel like I'm not crazy and alone in that feeling. I feel so at ease, almost excited when I need to get any type of medical treatment, IV's, surgeries, doctor appointments. The reason that I've come to is that when I was going through all the emergency surgeries and traumas at 16-21 I think my mind tricked itself separating the normal scared feelings, into thinking that this fun, this is normal. I don't tell anyone but I like having procedures done now. Also I haven't felt real emotions since then, no happiness, no contentment, do not feel anything when I see a baby cry, Really nothing. I think my mind turned it all off to be able to survive through the trauma.