I sounds like you've had a difficult road Jeffsmom. I understand what you are talking about but it is different having all the medical issues we have because ours are not going to get much better. When you break a bone it can heal. Most medical problems we face in life are ones that we will recover from.
For instance I can't do a lot of yoga because I have permanent neuropathy in my feet that will never heal. I can't maintain my balance so all I do are stretches. I've tried Cymbalta and it was a nightmare for me. I had hope as it is one of the fibromyalgia drugs. Lyrica and Savella didn't work for me either. I know people that thrive on Cymbalta and am glad for them.
It's not as easy as getting on a certain drug when one has a multitude of medical diseases, conditions or syndromes. Drugs for instance can interact with those you need for something else and so forth. When every avenue you turn is a brick wall or some other health problem it is very depressing.
My mother was physically and emotionally abusive too and my husband has been emotionally abusive as well. That has been an on and off again thing during our 39 year marriage. I too will turn 60 this year. I was told that when we are abused as children it affects how our brains mature leaving some of us with more pain receptive areas than "normal" people. The doctor that runs the Mayo Clinic's FIbromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Clinic explained it all to me. He showed me the differences in MRI's of a FM person and a normal person's brain. I'm not sure I buy into his theory as I had a high pain tolerance level until my UC got so bad it was finally diagnosed. I've gone from being a high functioning person to being totally disabled. I have a handicapped parking permit that I only use on days I absolutely have to leave the house and need to use a cane to walk. My husband has to drive me a lot of the time and I can no longer drive the 3 hours by myself to see my elderly father.
I have bad falls where I've slammed my head and slammed my entire side of my body on concrete or tiled floors. I just fell down some stairs 2 weeks ago getting another badly sprained ankle and several huge bruises on my back. My husband's installed hand railings on both sides of our stairways and modified the stairs from the house into the garage. I could go on and on but will spare you everything. Just glance below at my signature section to see highlights of my other health problems.
It is not mind over matter for me. I did that for years and that is part of the reason I've ended up in such bad shape. I can't "suck it up" anymore. It irritates me when family or acquaintances try to fix me by saying that all I need to do is walk more or change my diet to whatever craze they are on. They don't understand and I realize it is hard to empathize with something that you've never experienced.
I had to sell my profitable CPA firm 15 years ago because I could no longer work more than part-time. I also had to sell another business that I owned 50% of 6 years ago. These were mainly due to my fibromyalgia but UC played it's part in it all too. I worked part-time until 4/20/2010 and I only worked 1.5 hours that day. My j-pouch surgeries were that November and December. I didn't file for social security disability until 2 years later as I was convinced I was going to get well enough to work again. It was approved right away and back to that April 2010 as the date of my total disability. Not only was it approved with the first application I was given past benefits of a year as that was as far back as they can go. The net effect was I didn't receive 6 months of benefits that I could have gotten had I filed sooner. It was a grueling process, including seeing a doctor and psychologist they hired.
I don't want to accept that my disability is permanent but I need to. I didn't want to get rid of my businesses but I had too. I have limits that are not going to change. My husband had surgery in October to remove his prostate because of cancer. He got over his surgery quickly and is almost back to the way he was before his cancer was discovered. People feel sorry for him because he had cancer but don't understand why I'm not better. After all I didn't have cancer. They don't comprehend the difference between a small gland and an entire colon where a 5 foot organ was removed. A former friend of mine thought I should have recovered in 6 weeks because her sister-in-law had colon cancer and was back to work 6 weeks after the operation to remove the cancer. Having inches or even a foot of your colon removed is easier to recover from. I am bitter at times but I'm not feeling sorry for myself and saying "why me?". I count my blessings daily and do the best I can with the tools at my disposal. When you are doing all that you can you can't do anymore.
My 6 year old grandson asked me what my surgeries were for and I said "I had problems in my stomach area so the surgeon operated on me and I am alive". It is far better than the alternative. He is one of my many blessings. Another one is this fantastic support group and people like you, Sharon, Jan, Kathy, Sue, Jeane, Marianne, Scott, Laurie, Rocket, Mema, Savana, Bill and too many to name.