I hope you are doing better now Eric. Everyone has written heartfelt posts that are encouraging. You and they have helped me tonight. I am an only child and my wonderful father lives 3 hours away. I helped him by going there every other weekend when my step-mother was dying from cancer. She died over 20 years ago.
When he became very ill in 2001, while staying 1300 miles away I flew down and stayed 6 weeks. I've done this many times there and at his closer home. The summer of 2009 I was with him almost the entire summer. He had 4 surgeries. His current lady love of the past 20 years can't drive and they are both now fraile.
I can no longer drive myself to see and help them. I saw him for the first time in a year last November. He's lost weight and I can't convince him to hire someone to come in several times a week to help them. I feel guilty I can no longer help them. We made a deal several years ago that if they would ever need to permanently go to a nursing home that he would instead hire professional in home care. He isn't wealthy but has savings that I want him to use for this. She doesn't have much savings but that's okay. He should spend every penny to make their lives better. His only 2 beneficiaries are her and me with the greater portion going to me. I feel guilty that I can't be there. I talk to him almost daily. He waits for me to call. He's 84.
He says he will hire help when they need it but they aren't there yet. I convinced him to talk to an agency but he won't hire them - yet. He needs a heart valve replacement but the surgeon says the recovery would kill him. I feel like he is holding back because he wants to leave me a nice inheritance. He's worried about my poor health instead. I don't want to upset him anymore than I have to so downplay a bit. I understand what you mean about that. If you can't do as much as in the past please tell them...
Thanks everyone.