I can't do this anymore

I am six months post takedown and I just can't do this anymore. I get hardly any sleep because I have to poop a lot. It takes me forever to poop because it won't come out all at once. So I often am in the bathroom for a while. I might as well live in the bathroom. My anal fissures won't go away no matter what I do. Immodium and pain meds help a little but not enough. I've tried many medications but they either didn't work or stopped working. I'm in so much pain and strain a lot but I can't have fiber. I've had to give up a lot of the foods I love. Plus I have gastroparesis so it makes it hard for me to eat now. Even water makes me have to poop. Actually every food and drink makes me have to poop.My butt is so red it's inflamed and it hurts so bad but no creams even help me anymore. It always hurts to poop because of my butt being so raw. I also get painful cramps when I have to poop. So I try to not hold my poop in for long. I also get spasms in my spincter down there. I have a hard time staying hydrated so I get dizzy often. In fact I've gotten so dizzy I almost passed out many times. I have hardly any energy and am very weak. Which makes it hard to do anything now. I am going to try to get an appointment with my GI but he's always so booked up. Which means I'd have to wait at least a month to see him. I can see a nurse practitioner in his office but she won't know me like him. I really don't want this j pouch anymore. In fact I regret ever getting the surgeries and wish I hadn't. Plus my surgeon didn't even tell me how horrible it was going to be. In fact she refuses to help me anymore but my GI and the nurse practitioner have been very helpful. My GI told me not to give up but I am not sure I can keep living like this. I have no life at all because I rarely go out. All I do is lay in bed pretending to be okay so nobody will worry about me. I tried to be strong for so long but I finally broke down and am crying now. I don't know what to do anymore because it has been horrible for a while now. It was good before but then it got bad and then good again. Now it just keeps getting worse everyday. Why do I have to keep suffering like this? 

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