Backstory: my husband has had UC since the fifth grade. He also had mega colon at one time in his life. He was able to get through with medication and diet. He is now 37 and had a diagnostic colonoscopy last year in which they perforated his bowel and didn’t know it. On our drive home he was in excruciating pain. I took him to the emergency where they had to do an emergency bowel resection and put an ostomy in. The doctor said he couldn’t reconnect the bowel because of having UC for so long so he had to do and ostomy. My husband is a very fit man and has always lifted weights and taking pride in being physically active and attractive. After a long discussion we decided to go with a J pouch instead of the ostomy. My husband seemed happier with a J pouch because he didn’t have the bag on his side. However he’s only about seven months out from his take down and he still has to go to the bathroom quite a bit. He’s lost a lot of weight but has now started working out again. It’s been almost an entire year of surgeries now one surgery recover second surgery recover third surgery recover. Now he has pulled away from me and he’s worried that I will leave him because of all this. I told him not to be ridiculous that I love him but he’s very sad and upset with how everything is gone. I’m just very grateful that he is still alive and with me and our two boys.
my question is: how can I help him get through these hard times and the depression. Sometimes I feel silly because I get upset that he doesn’t want to be with me intimately but I know he’s in a lot of pain sometimes and frustrated about things now. It breaks my heart to see him so sad.